Hurts too much to breathe

I can't do this anymore. It's too hard and I give up. I just... Give up.

I'm engaged, shes the only thing keeping me going. But we are from different countries and I have to go back home soon, back to my abuser, back to the bad memories, back to the pain.

The thought alone kills me.

I'm scared.

I'd rather die than go back home, but what choice do I have really?