OCD and EXMO are not a good combo

Since leaving the church and my wife as TBM as ever, there have been some obvious issues. We have worked most of them out but coffee and beer are still a big issue with me. Given a choice at Starbucks and absent any lingering Mormon guilt I will 9 out of 10 times choose an ice tea (not a big fan of hot drinks). However, there is this OCD voice in my head that wants to be able to have a coffee without guilt should I choose to have one. For some reason DW doesn't care about tea, but coffee, I might as well have shot a puppy. Has anyone else dealt with issues like that? Not really wanting something but at the same time wanting it because I am not supposed to have it and that control this fucked up church has over me, even though I am out, is maddening. Sorry for the ramble, its hard to put my crazy thoughts into words that make sense.