2 death threats at dinner are normal

Cast:

MIL - CRAZY cat lady (so named for reasons that will become clear in a couple stories)

SIL1- sponge of all things sane/mature. Lives off of other people's money and good intentions

Has two kids, boy and girl, who loved me till it got too hard and they were punished for it. Now they hate me and repeat lies about me as prompted.

BIL1- normal and LC. However he accidently enables people because he doesn't have the full.scope.of a situation and basically assumes what he's told is the truth till proven otherwise. He is always proven otherwise.

SIL2- sneaky bitch. Also a sponge but is sneaky about it. Is functionally an idiot but has access to a respectable job due to her ability to regurgitate facts from textbooks convincingly.

Husband - family scapegoat and all around punching/money bag.

BIL2-DANGER. He is scary and high and armed and delusional. He believes the word is going to end because of solar flares and only farmers are going to survive. Everyone who "questions him" and his drug addled dilutions is the enemy.

Me-the enemy

Scene:

We are about a year and a half after the last story. I have not had a lot of contact with his family for one reason or another. We were both finishing a very intense school program. ...the holidays are big deals in my family and if I'm not working on the day I'm usually planning or prepping for the family events. So, I didn't really notice I guess, but we had seen his sister and her boyfriend a few rims to help her move or drive her somewhere. Saw his mum in passing...but they are not very close and that's becoming apparent to me. It's are little strange because my entire extended family is all up in each other's business in love with one another so I know our affection level is abnormal for most.

However it's future husband's birthday so we are all getting together with his family for his birthday. Normally family birthdays are at red lobster. Husband neglects to mention this to me until we are pulling into the parking lot. Why is this an issue? Because I am highly allergic to shellfish. And fish. And corn. So basically everything here. If this was a preference fine, but I can't exactly pretend I'm not having hives, we are just on time and this is tradition! So I go in and tell the manager what's happened and apologize profusely while explaining that I and totally fine with like fries or a salad but it can't touch anything that touches shellfish or corn. This manager knows the family. They go their frequently, which if they were nice people who EVER tipped this would be a good thing. But they aren't. So it's not. He sympathizes but ultimately can't do much except a cookie dessert and fries. No worries! I make a meal of it.

The family is pissed and offfended that I am not eating. I am forced to explain multiple times why I can't and that I didn't know own we were coming here or I would have not come or at least said something to future husband. Future husband is quiet and again discovering the mysteries of his potatoes. BIL2 kept trying to touch my stuff to see if I "really do break out in hives"

Spoiler alert- I don't need to see someone touch my things to still get hives. And no I will not "accidently eat clams" just to cheat a little because they taste oh so good. I still get hives and have to take medication but I don't end up in the ER so that's good.

As mentioned above BIL2 is supper in to how the world is going to end because of solar flairs. This is highly unlikely (because of ALL THE SCIENCE) but I'm game for a hypothetical chat and he's likely going to be family so let's chat it out. He's a prepper too, I have a 72 hr kit for myself, my parents, and one in my car. It's not good enough because I'm not a farmer, and as above, only farmers are going to survive the solar flairs.

Okaaaay. .... sure....I don't know where to go from there so I ask about their upbringing on the farm. This goes from dairy production facts to some terms I don't know to me and people like me are the reason his dad's farm went under (didn't know the farm went under, and certainly didn't know I had anything to do with that) to how I've got to pay.

I was pretty taken aback and looked around the table for a bit of support. Everyone is doing a great job of just ignoring what's going on. Their conversations are nonsensical and clearly just for show so he doesn't turn his attention/wrath to them. Future husband is still not involved and to this day does not remember anything leading up to the threats.

Then he threatens me. BIL2 says I should die. Horribly. He's going to kill me. He's going to shoot me between the eyes. I am everything that's wrong with this world I'd he killed me nobody would notice. He's going to put a bullet between my eyes and leave my parts in the pig farm where all that's left will be teeth.

This is where I go, "oh fuck this" future husband is looking upset but saying nothing. I got up and left, I didn't know what else to do so I waited in the parking lot. I didn't want to call my parents because then they'd think poorly of my boyfriend and his family and surely I had been mistaken....maybe he was kidding????

Eventually their dinner is over and future husband has been looking for me. He drives me home and we talk. Apparently this kind of out burst is normal for BIL2 he feels cornered and so he lashes out and threatens until you go away. He doesn't mean it but don't push because then he will attack.....but he doesn't mean it....?

I was totally confused and said I'm never going to be in the same room with him again. Husband agrees, but now cannot remember the dinner as it happened. Neither does the rest of the family. They all reference that dinner as the time husbands new girlfriend just randomly got up and ruined dessert with a hissyfit over his favourite restaurant.

EDIT::Thank you MODS for being understanding* a section got deleted since I posted from my mobile

Though I did not know it at the time, and would not find out for many months/years, My MIL is the reason My BIL2 was so worked up and why he would continue to act against me and kind of in defense of his family. You see, I am an outsider. All outsiders are dangerous to Narcs and Enablers. Outsiders can get them in trouble, outsiders report you to police, to CPS, to other outsiders. Outsiders are dangerous.

My husband and all of his siblings were taught from a young age to not bring people over, (story for later- but JESUS H CHRIST what a fucking mess of a house) do not get dressed in front of other people for gym class. She kept them deliberately looking 'poor' and getting in the way of friendships so that they never had anyone they could even accidentally tip off to the abuse they suffered at home.

I would not know for years that husbands nose was broken by his brother with a wrench and his mother said it was 'ok' because he probably deserved it for something he did that she didn't catch him for. Anything bad that happened to husband was in punishment for something he had done or something he had probably done, or something his brother had done but really, 'did it matter who did it as long as everyone knew what the consequences were?' Yes, you read that right. husband would be punished for things he didn't do, things he did do, accidents he made or accidents his brother made. Punishments were always physical followed by a psychological component that if he didn't take the punishment the next person to misbehave would get it worse, they also included threats of not getting anything in the will and since they all grew up extremely poor, knowing that there was a payday in the future was how MIL and FIL kept them in line.

SO keeping this all in mind, husband brought an outsider to his birthday party. BIL2 was instructed to scare away the 'golddigger' and protect his inheritance because I would surely manipulate husband and take half of it the same way BIL1's fiancee had. he did a very very good job of scaring me, I was very confused, and willing to believe I had misunderstood things because it's too fucking insane to think that BIL2 was serious.

*my husband was completely oblivious to this kind of family dynamic being abnormal. he thought that everyone put on a show of normalcy; acted like TV characters when in public and like horror films in privet. Seeing him come to these realizations was part of why I stayed with and eventually married him. He is the very embodiment of diamond from the rough. he had every reason to be a wife beater, a druggie, a delinquent, a mooch, an asshole, and a criminal all at once and yet he (one out of five kids) actively rebelled against that future. His family berated him, they got in his way, they beat him, they manipulated him, they hurt him over and over and made it easy to slide back into old habits -yet he got himself an education, a good job, a good house, good friends and a good life in spite of every effort to blockade his progress. A lot of people have shitty childhoods and use them to excuse their own poor behaviour. He didn't, he uses it as an example of what NOT to do. he is NOT his father who beats his kids and keeps them scared, he is not his brother who leaches off others and threatens to get what he wants, he is not his sisters or mother who manipulates to keep others submissive and just confused enough to make them dependent. He is a good person by choice not by luck. And that's why I stayed. ^plus ^that ^whole ^dick ^made ^of ^gold ^and ^diamonds ^thing