Quick opinion poll: Me [20sF] with my boyfriend [30sM] 1 year. Should I just f*** let it go already?

Hey everybody! I'm doing a quick survey on if I should just walk away from my boyfriend or should I be reminded that I'm a selfish cow and learn to "adult" more efficiently?

Disclaimer: I got myself a tad tipsy over the course of the last hour or so, this is gonna be rambly and long. SORRY.

So, Me and Johnny are over a year together. Ups and downs, as any other relationship. I have two issue which we managed to step on tonight.

I'll explain it as quickly as possible. I'm sorry if it comes off as grotesque and blunt.

ONE: Johnny has a female friend, who is a part of his social circles since he was a boy. He loved her for a long time, she kept him in the friend-zone for over a decade. Now she has a husband and a flock of children. Time passed and I came along in his life. Since they are only very good best friends she greeted me with "Oh, so you are the one that is dating MY Johnny for now?".

Further she isolates him at social events, or rubs against him (full boob-ass action) when she wanted to pass by to get to ... somewhere else. She plays the age old female game of "whatever is mine is mine, even if it's not mine". I expect that Johnny will set boundaries that she will not cross anymore. He doesn't because he doesn't understand "our womanly games" or notices that something is weird with her behavior too late to address it. I am not going to go address it with her directly because I am not such a person. We have been arguing over this for a year now. I f*** can't anymore.

Today he had a dinner with all his friends where she will be present. I told him that I cannot come with him because I cannot deal with this anymore. I want him to "grow a backbone" and put her in her place. He again told me that he cannot respond to a situation which he didn't notice and he wants to be civil and nice to everybody because he is a civil and nice person. (FYI: Usually everything happens in front of him, including every time she passes by and rubs against him in order to reach another place. I've explained that physical closeness is something I find inappropriate, especially at this stage). So, all in all he went to that dinner tonight, without me.

SECOND: I am at a crossroads right now. The country which this is taking place is not my home. I am here because of a student visa. All in all My savings are running out and soon I'll have to go back home, unless some magical sh** happens. Since we are dating I have not had a job and he knows I'm living off of savings. I have told him that multiple times. He sees me that I'm worrying and I am close to a panic attack, I can't sleep and am constantly searching for a job and constantly getting rejected. He just doesn't put two and two together. His response is "you should just stop worrying so much". He is native of this country and has a stable job, friends, family, house. I literally have nothing. I have tried telling him that not in a direct way because it hurts me that I'm such a failure and am a month away from living in a box on the street. He doesn't link anything together since he is doing ok, that means everybody is doing ok, right? (I don;t live with him, he doesn;t financially support me in any way, so we never had grown-up talk about finances and crap.

EXAMPLE OF HOW BAD IT IS: Yesterday he was trying to get me on board of planning a summer vacation with him, his best friend and the best friend's girlfriend abroad. In the same time I am wondering which is more ripped - my sneakers or my jeans, what should I try to buy because I can't renew both of them at the same time.I tell him that I am not in the financial position to make such long-term plans and quickly change the subject. This has happened multiple times. He has gone on several vacations, I have gone on none.

Apparently I had to spell it out to him today that unless a miracle occurs in the next month and a half, I am going back to my country to live with my mother. He is a really sweet person but is blind as a bat and has the empathy of a newborn.

Despite of my pain and panic, I managed to man up and tell him that I'm a total failure and that my future is as certain as throwing chicken bones to predict the next Super Bowl. I am having a tough time admitting this to him and I was really hoping that he should have understood this by all the obvious signs. I didn't want him to know right-away that my time is really limited but I would have expected him to NOTICE something is going on. On top of all my personal crap I cannot go to a dinner with him and again be humiliated by him and some random cow. I had to tell him this with details and examples and almost a spreadsheet.

All in all, OK, I didn't go to the dinner. He went alone. I did tell him to go because I don't want him to lose touch with all his friends. On the other hand, I have never opened up to people before like that, admitting my failures and what not. He has never had such a deep convo with me, and I told him that.

Now I sit alone at his house, and he is out with friends. I am "womanly" thinking that he should have read my pain and not left me alone despite of what I say. Not to mention, that he should have gotten up and take me for a walk to clear my head or SOMETHING. I have only him and he is not really understanding how much I hurt. If he cried telling me something painful and deep I wouldn't have left him no matter how many friends I have to meet and what he tells me. I can't believe I opened up this much, I told him that I wake up with thoughts of ending it each day and this is the result.

A moment ago he messaged me that he feels bad that he left me while I was feeling down. No sh*t, Sherlock!

Should I just go home and give up on ever connecting emotionally with this person or should I stay, wait for him to come back from going out and fix something in me?

Can I higher one of you to just shoot me in some scenic place?

PS: I have been depressed before I met him. He doesn't know the extent of it. I don't think he understood even that it's happening. I usually am the queen of covering my "faults". Actually telling him i am suicidal is ... I cannot explain it how hard it was for me. I usually am logical and practical , not asking for help or compassion because I mainly am ashamed. Talking about how weak I am is ... is... pffff

td;dr: My bf and I have a disagreement about one of his female friends, in which he said I am correct but he cannot do anything about it because he essentially doesn't wanna hurt her. Meanwhile I am in a very bad place, emotionally, financially and suicidal. I managed to open up and told him this in a direct sentence AND details how and why. I did tell him to go out to dinner with his friends, despite how shitty I feel. He did go out to see his friends where that female friend would be. Very womanly I feel even shittier that he left me alone right now. Do I expect way too much of my boyfriend by wanting him to follow some "unwritten rules" which I have in my head and are exactly the opposite of what I told him?