The Joys of Rejection

Well, I've made a few threads on this subreddit in the past (and others) but basically I'm a socially anxious dude who had a strong crush on his friend for months. She found out I really liked her yesterday, I told her best friend and she just told her straight up, which totally wasn't what I wanted. She told her I liked her “quite a lot” and that I liked her “since November”. She contacted me about it that night and we spoke about it. I asked her out (I suggested we meet up for a chat, grab a coffee or something) but I also told her that she could take all the time she needed to think about it. She was so stunned/shocked and unsure of what to do she took a day to think about it, then got back to me an hour ago with this message:

”I’m sorry I don’t really know how to put this. You’re such a nice guy and a really good friend but I would rather be friends at the time being. I enjoy spending time with you but I don’t think I could do a relationship at the moment”

So I replied:

”That’s absolutely fine <hername>, I understand. I’m conscious of how difficult it would be anyway, especially at the college. I was actually more worried you’d say Yes – I’m probably not ready for something like that anyway, but I think you’re pretty special so it was worth a shot. I didn’t want to ask you before now because I was really worried things would become awkward at the college. I mean, we share a table and stuff. I hope I haven’t screwed that up”

She replied:

”No it’s okay nothing’s screwed up and hey ho you never know where the future will take you anyway”

That was really nice of her to say, I’m grateful. She’s a good person.

I’m not stupid enough to think there’s still a chance – there’s the fundamental problem when someone isn’t attracted to you. You can have all kinds of things in common with a person – you can be great friends, but unless there’s the X factor where two people are interested in one another, nothing will happen. When we part ways at the end of the course, I know I'll never see her again (that's why I asked - she doesn't use Facebook, just like me, so this is pretty much it, I knew there'd be no way to stay in contact) so I'll just think of something nice to tell her on the last day so she feels good and leave it at that.

I’ll be honest in saying this is the first time I’ve actually tried something like this, but it isn’t the first time I’ve felt heartbreak. It does really, really hurt. She’s the first girl I’ve ever loved – people will call me stupid for saying that, that it’s infatuation, that it’s a crush, that love is what happens when two people are infatuated with one another and grow to care and stuff like that. I know what that feeling I’ve had is though – I’ve never felt like that about someone before, and I’m proud of it to, I care about her a lot.

And yet, I feel closure. I feel that chapter is closed now, and I can move on. I mean, I still have these feelings, and I know they’ll never really go away, just fade. I’ll never forget it, and that’s ok, moving on isn’t forgetting.

This shit really hurts, but I’d do this again if I had the chance. It’s worth it. If anyone is reading this and is in a similar position, act on your feelings – do something. I feel like I’ve done all that I can, and I have no regrets.

All I can say is thank you to everyone on this site who gave me help and support, you’ve all been really helpful and I couldn’t ask for more.