Thoughts on skiing

Hello all, just found this sub today. I'd like to hear your thoughts and feedback on some things.

Me: Did about 10-15 stints lasting as long as the ball did (day or two or three) over the course of ~5 years. Usually months between. 4 years-ish ago, drew a ball out for a week or so, doing little keys here and there. 6 months ago went through a painful breakup, started filling free time with green/alcohol. Shortly after starting that, got into a routine of getting "too drunk for it to be 7pm" and would thus do 1g or so to sober up and stay awake until bedtime. Have now been doing between .25g and 1g per day, about 5 or 6 days a week, for ~5 months. The effects on me are such that I become antisocial and do not want to leave the house or interact with anyone while skiing. I also get a bit anxious and mentally dwell on negative thoughts most of the time I am skiing. Life is in order, relationships are fine, bills are paid, but for some reason will start focusing on shortcomings and negative things when skiing. My convenient connect is a trap house and the shit I get is seriously stomped on - I think some of the negative effects I experience are likely due to whatever nasty filler I am blowing.

Some points to touch on:

1. If I do .75-1g or more in a day, inevitably I will wake up the next morning, or in the middle of the night, anxious as fuck. Like the "shit I forgot to turn the stove off" feeling. Anyone else get this? It is definitely lesser when I Neti-Pot.

2. This shit is expensive. Especially for the shit quality that I get and the fact that my convenient source only sells in shitty $10 bags. No g's or balls available. I hear people talking about getting purer (hopefully less harmful) shit on the darknet. Is that something I should look into, or is it a large risk?

3. When I skii, I don't want to be around people or do anything, really. Thus my peripheral activities and shit have been seriously lacking. Due to that, and Mint taunting me about ATM fees, about once a week I decide it's time to stop. I'll stop for a day or two, and don't have any serious "withdrawal", but ultimately on day 2 or 3 I'll be bored as shit and will end up "just a bump or two"-ing it. I don't get all shaky or cranky or super cravey or anything, and typically when I relapse I'm feeling physically fine before deciding to donk off the rest of my day with some snow. That typically turns into 3-5 days of skiing. Anyone else do this?

4. Is there an easy way to purify what I get? Like can I dissolve the shit I get in water and filter it somehow or something so that I'm left with only what I actually want going in my body?

5. How do you folks level out when you skii a little too hard? Typically I have used alcohol and a sliver of a bar.

Here's to our strangely alluring little hobby! Hope you're all having a swell weekend.