Avoid impulse decisions when you're still hurting

About a week after I decided to go NC, I told myself, fuck him, fuck being sad. I booked an expensive holiday to a place I've always wanted to go to. I booked it around my birthday. I had come to dream he would come with me, as we both love travelling almost obsessively.

Now, nearly 10 days after when I am calmer, it's just hit me that it was a poorly planned decision taken in a moment of hardship. I have to pay my taxes soon, my savings will be significantly dented and I don't think my boss will be thrilled when I tell him. There is no reason at all to travel there right now other than my tantrum. I should have chosen a date that made more sense. I feel like the holiday will be tainted because it was "to forget him". I am trying to see if I can get a refund with the airline but it doesn't look good. Shit. I really regret it. What if I lose my job?