About to cut.

i was just told by one of my only friends that she can't talk to me anymore because i make her feel bad, and i told her i completely understand and i do, its just she is the only person i can trust and i cant loose her. she is mad at me because i self-harm but she does too and she said she won't talk to me until i get better. but tbh this is making me want to cut more and deeper than i ever had before i already miss her i feel like such a terrible person, im toxic i just need to stop living and disappear forever. sorry