I'm running out of hope

I don't know what to do anymore. I've been depressed for a while now, and it's really starting to ruin my life. My depression has come in the form of self hatred. I find I keep telling myself I am worthless and not good enough for anything. I try to talk about this with a couple of friends, but it feels like they no longer want to hear from me. I don't know, it's hard to put into words, a lot has happened over the past year.

It feels like my minimal social life has dwindled to nothing and I just go between home and work. I feel lonely and angry with myself all the time and it seems to be costing me to loose my few friends which just makes it worse.

I feel like suicide is my only real hope. I am not in danger of committing suicide right now, it's more like a certainty. A few years from now I will no longer exist, that's what I keep telling myself. The depression will win and take everything from me and then I will kill myself.

A couple of friends told me I should see a therapist, but I'm really nervous about doing that. I don't want my family to know and I don't know of a way to do it without them knowing.

I keep ruining my friendships and there doesn't seem to be any way out of this.