I'm a college sophomore and I'm going downhill.

When I first started college, I thought to myself, "I'll never burn out." I planned to ace my way towards an engineering degree.

I did really well freshman year. I had all A+ scores except for one A. People at my college tend to get the first B's and C's of their lives during freshman year, so naturally I began to consider myself exempt to all the issues that normally plague engineering majors: burnout, stress, and low grades.

But then came Sophomore year. I took most of the hard sophomore classes freshman year, so this year was supposed to be a breeze. It was supposed to be easy, and it was supposed to provide me with lots of free time. But instead I abused that free time and got lazy. I started staying up late (past 4am) for no reason, mindlessly surfing YouTube and Reddit until I felt disgusted enough with myself to go to sleep. I began skipping meals to sleep or burn time on the internet. I turned in my humanities midterm paper a week late and got a C- on it, which is the worst I have ever scored on any paper so far. I skipped an Organic Chemistry quiz just to sleep in. Freshman me would be devastated by my lack of discipline.

If I ever thought I would fizzle out during my college career, I would have expected it to be the result of a difficult and stressful term. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined it happening because of laziness.

I am so disappointed with myself right now, but I am in this terrible and uncomfortable equilibrium where I cannot convince myself to become responsible. I will be struggling with fixing my situation for the next few weeks, and I sincerely hope it doesn't get worse.