Me [23F] with my boyfriend [31M] of 6 months, I lost the man of my dreams, over my anxiety issue.

I will admit I can romanticize my life in many ways, but I have been torn up in the last 3 days because I know for certain I have lost the most amazing man I have ever dated/known. We met on tinder, and while we didn't click immediately, we found a way to slowly get to know each other over texts/calls/dates for quite awhile now.

I have stayed in relationships way too long in the past and have dated a lot of shitty guys just to stay away from being single. But 'Jeff' is someone who treated me like a princess in the most honest way. Always wanting to have deep conversations, get to know me on the most personal level, and letting it be known that he cared for me deeply. We have similar interests and aspirations, and the ease at which I feel I can talk to him about anything is indescribable.

I'll stop the bragging because even that is making me emotional, because a few days ago I had a severe panic attack, one that left me on the verge of suicidal thoughts, and was accompanied by a trip to the hospital, and I have not heard anything from Jeff since. We texted briefly before my 'episode' and he stressed that I shouldn't hurt myself, but as I pressed him to call me to help ease the pressure I was feeling, he vanished.

I have never been on the receiving end of anxiety from a partner, but I cannot begin to grasp how someone so amazing and fulfilling in my life could bail in such a time of need. Especially when the relationship was built on openness and honesty.

I even opened my tinder for the first time in months today just to look at his message and I was disgusted by all the messages I had been sent by other guys, how I could never feel the love I felt for Jeff for any of them; I feel so defeated.

I am in outpatient treatment for my anxiety, and I will do anything I can to work towards acceptance and building a future where I am able to live with it, but I know I lost the love of my life over something I haven't yet been able to control.

How do I begin to understand this? Do I have to just accept he doesn't want to be with me because of the 'craziness'? I can't imagine being without him.

tl;dr: My boyfriend of 6 months dumped me after a panic attack 3 days ago, how did this happen and how can I get him to accept me?