HOCD or Gay??

So for my whole life I have always liked the idea of being with a girl. I always talked about girls and liked girls. I have had parts of my past where I did some gay things with a friend but got largely disinterested in it and messed around with a girl a bit and became more interested. When I was 10ish Is found porn aswell as Kate Upton and got boners because of it. I was always nervous around girls until this year. I always feel great making girls laugh. Anyways I this started when a girl that I fell in love with didn't love me back. I wanted to be really romantic with her and sex would have just been a thing on the side, to me it wasn't as important as just cuddling or making her happy. After that I was pretty drunk one night and I was like let's make out with every girl at the party, and then there was this really feminine guy there and I was like what if I made out with him. At the time I was like nope that's dumb. The next night I was thinking about the party and remebered I thought that and I got panicky and had panic attacks and was like does that make me gay. I can't be gay I've always wanted a girlfriend and wanted to kiss/have sex with girls. That sent me on a spiral of what if I'm gay questions. I looked up what I was feeling and I found HOCD and I related to all of the things about it. For a while I avoided guys and had gronial responses but those are gone. Now I was watching Jackass and I got like maybe a 10% erection and I started freaking out. Now I don't know if I'm gay or not. I watched gay porn and all I got was a tingle down there and then I watched straight porn and got an erection. Help me please.