Aaand the last of my pills fell between the seats

I have a history of absolute stubbornness: not taking my meds and ultimately relapsing. But after I was discharged from the hospital June 2015, I finally stuck with my pill regimen, and it remained unbroken since.

Gotta hand it to Mom. Her constant remindings helped me upkeep my routine.

In the meantime, I met this dude from Tinder in October. We hit it off immediately and we have the same interests and level of education. Except... he's one of those conspiracy theorists. Yes, Big Pharma is out to drug us all and turn us into obedient patriots with no free will. I'm not sure if he actually believes these things, but he's interested in "Top 10 Unexplained Things" kind of videos. Probably for the spoopy factor, or something.

Anyway, I learned from him about the horrors of SSRI withdrawals. That part I can believe because I accidentally re-experienced it last Friday. Yes, I broke my routine, and yes, it was pretty fucking awful that day. Things returned to normal once I resumed taking meds on Saturday, and I came to terms with my little drug dependency. "If this orange capsule is all it takes to keep me from going back to before, then fine."

And then, one fateful day--today--I made a grave mistake. My lazy ass has been keeping my meds in the glove box of my car for the past few days. This morning, I accidentally spilled my Effexor between the seat cushions. All but one capsule, and I need to take two daily.

So, blah blah insurance drama. Now I'll be without my Precious until the next refill comes around (end of Feb.). My newest psychiatrist... well, I just met him last week. He can prescribe something in the meantime, right? He only visits campus once a month, though, so I don't know if he can address this immediately.

I haven't reached the physical stages of freaking out. In fact, I've been pretty chill today. But I know that a storm is coming, and I don't know how I'll advance throughout the week if I'll be stuck in Depression Mode. This semester has been going so swimmingly, too. For once I have my shit together! And then this happens!

Common symptoms for my episodes: extreme agitation, noise sensitivity, intrusive thoughts (rapid and repetitive), excessive perspiration, sense of hopelessness, loss of motivation, desire to sleep in, suicide ideation, and of course those anxiety-fueled outbursts (I also have GAD).

I really don't want to go back there.