i m totally shattered n crying

i hav masturbated 8 times in last week, i m not able to go to my work bec of this guilty feeling. i hav tried to remain sober before this week for about 20 days. but as the urges hit nothing seems to be working be it- cold shower distraction meditation deep breathing excercise i dont know what i m doing in my life, i feel shame inside, hollow from inside, i feel like dying , fk!! hlp me plz