depressed as hell

So here I am, my girlfriend sleeping next to me. I love to listen to her nice regular breathing. She has already given me so many chances believing everything would settle down. No it will not. I am just a piece of abusing shit making her life terrible. I love her as much as one can love (when I am stable). She does not deserve such a destiny. I would love to break up this relationship just to protect her from myself ... just to stop terrorize and misuse her kindness. Fuck ... please no more