For some reason I want something traumatic to happen to me.

For a while now I've had this feeling that I want something traumatic to happen to me. I don't know why, maybe its because I want myself to change because of it. I've already had a shit ton of hardships, but nothing that is singularly traumatic. Only persistent hardships that happen everyday, yes i was affected by it but still.

My life has gotten easier in the past year after finally getting away from those stupid hardships. But I have this unusual feeling that I want something to happen to me. Maybe I miss the pain from the hardships I had. Or maybe im just looking for a change to my life.