NMom pokes the bear and is upset/shocked when it bites back.

My NMom, like most of yours I'm sure, likes to poke the bear. That is to say she likes to push my limits, and get away with as much as possible. Public places, in front of the kids - the less likely I am to make a scene, the harder she pokes.

It's almost always the small stuff too. The things that are big enough to irk me but small enough that if I blew up about it I would obviously be "overreacting." Martyr mentality anyone?

Well this past Saturday was my partner's son's 12th birthday. I call NMom just to talk while icing cupcakes and she doesn't answer. She calls back later when I'm running out of the door and when I text back telling her we are headed to my partner's daughter's basketball game, I get the following:

"Fine. We never know about the kids stuff. I've never seen E play basketball. We would like it if you would send us the schedules so we can see them. Unless you prefer us NOT to be there for some reason?"

To which I respond:

"I really wish you'd stop taking the things I do as a personal attack on you mom." Followed by information about the day's schedule and a comment about how I don't always have the schedules myself since we rely on the ex-wife for those.

To which I get:

"I'm not sure why you assume I'm taking that as a "personal attack". It was just a question."

And this is where I lose it. Instead of grounding myself and moving on, I called her. And I didn't just call her. I explained that her comment seemed like she took it personally, and I genuinely do not disclude her from the kids' schedules.

She immediately went offensive and said I have been keeping her out of my life, and making it very clear that she's not important in my life. Which I turned back around and said no more than her, since she cut me out of a Valentine's Day and a Christmas Eve tradition this year while rubbing it in my face that my bothers were not left out. She of course, has no recollection of this.

Anyway, the phone conversation went on for 45 minutes, including many profane expletives by me, and many guilt trips by her.

Apparently I'm not allowed to have my own relationships with my brothers on my terms because she and my dad are the center of our family, and if I'm no-contact with one she has a right to know why.

Oh and that goes for my relationship with my dad too. "Out of sight is out of mind" is how my dad operatives (which I would know if I bothered to talk to my brothers), but he's constantly thinking of me and loves me very much. Riddle me that one RBN.

All in all, I handled the situation pretty well I think. I kept my composure for about half of it, and didn't say anything I regret.

All I'm left with is a lingering sense of guilt for speaking openly and honestly with my NMom, who I've never been able to do that with. (And she's sorry I feel that way about it. When one of her children hurt she feels their pain as if its her own.) I feel so guilty its making me angry.

I shouldn't feel guilty for saying what I feel and what I meant. I shouldn't feel bad at all. But yet I feel this crippling sense of guilt. Anyone else experience this? How did you get past the guilt?

TL;DR: My mom poked me, the bear, until I was angry enough to bite back and I am left with an overwhelming sense of guilt.