[Update] My clique of friends [23/24F] planned a grad trip for months and we are supposed to go in end April or early May but one friend is pregnant and wants to cancel and go another year.

Hi reddit. I’m back again with an update. Unfortunately my previous post was locked but I think you can still read it. The link is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/44l020/my_clique_of_friends_2324f_planned_a_grad_trip/

I have gotten a few PMs asking for an update. I even got one less than 24 hours after I posted the original. I decided if things went well, I wasn’t going to update. As you can already guess, things did not go well.

Firstly, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied. I didn’t manage to reply to everyone but I did read everyone’s comments. The day after I posted on reddit, I discussed with the rest of the group to ensure everyone was one the same page and it was decided that I would speak to Alexa on behalf of everyone.

This was what I texted her: “Alexa, we got your message about the baby shower. We would still like to go for the graduation trip after so much planning and saving for it. Going next year or even in the next few years is not feasible for us due to work. Unfortunately, we will not be able to attend your planned baby shower as a result. We would still like to celebrate your baby shower after we return from the trip and throw another separate baby shower. How does that sound to you? :) ” I sent her this privately. She replied “Ok”. So that’s it right? Crisis averted. All is well.

We then created another group chat to discuss her baby shower. Things like venue, food, presents and other logistics. Here is where things start to go wrong. Two days after we created the group chat for her baby shower, Alexa removed herself from the group chat. Aly was the one who noticed it and pointed it out to everyone. At this point, we are all becomingly increasingly annoyed with this kind of passive-aggressive behaviour from Alexa. I texted Alexa privately again and just cut straight to the chase.

This was our conversation:

Me: Alexa, why did you leave the group chat for the baby shower? Are you not keen on doing a separate baby shower?

Alexa: Why are you still going for the trip? >: ( We planned it TOGETHER. It is very unfair to go without me.

Me: This trip was planned months in advance and everyone else still wants to go…

Alexa: It's not fair to me to leave me behind. If everyone doesn’t go its fair to everyone.

Me: What about Aly and Kayla who have been saving for this trip? Are you going to give back the time they spent saving for this trip?

Alexa: Ppl who cannot afford a month’s rent or food dont deserve vacations.

Me: Listen. Everything has been planned for the trip. Even though you will be missed during the trip, we are still looking forward to it. Let us know if you would like the separate baby shower.

Alexa: Fuck you. fucking anorexic bitch.

I did not reply anything after that exchange. I'm a bit hurt honestly as I've always been on the thin side and have had multiple strangers come up to me to ask if I'm anorexic and it makes me feel self conscious. all my friends know this.

If you recall from the original post, I mentioned that Aly and Kayla come from lower income families. Only my 3 of us from come wealthy families. The rest of us are from middle income families. Kayla’s family is extremely poor. She lives with her parents in a rented 2 room apartment that is very small. Last year her mother fell ill and had to stop working and they struggled to pay rent. I have helped her out twice to help her family cover rent. She has paid me back since then. She never eats out and brings her own food from home. She and Aly are studying on a scholarship and have been working every weekend and some evenings while studying full time to save for this trip for the past year. If this semester goes well, Kayla has a very high chance of being the valedictorian.

I also did mention in a comment that one of the reasons I am not close to Alexa is that we have differing political opinions that are very hard to reconcile. This is only one of them. She has some very snobbish ideas about poor people, homeless people and people who require monetary assistance from the government. I have noticed this in her frequently though it has been very low key.

I showed the rest of the group how the messages went and asked them not to show Kayla or Aly but obviously their SOs were upset and told them and eventually they found out anyway. Aly and Kayla were very upset and angry about what Alexa said. I wanted to minimise hurting people’s feelings but it seems like I have done the opposite. We have not spoken to Alexa since that day and she hasn’t texted us either. If she still wants us to plan another shower, we would do it. But honestly, I hope she doesn’t.

As for Adrian, we have decided not to un-invite him. The reason being that he was already invited long before this situation occurred and it would be rude to un-invite him. I know there were many people saying he should not go and it would be irresponsible for him to go but I think that is something Adrian will decide for himself. At this point it seems like Adrian intends to only be involved in the child’s life financially. I do not necessarily agree with his choice, but again that is his choice to make. I asked him whether he still wanted to come for the trip and he said he definitely wants to. I told him if he wished to drop out due to the baby at any point, it would be perfectly fine. He said that probably won’t happen.

So that’s the whole update. I’m still very excited for this trip despite all the drama that has happened. Thank you to everyone for their advice.

tl;dr: Told Alexa we are still going for the trip and would like to plan a separate baby shower for her after the trip. She seemed okay with it at first but later said it was unfair for us to go without her. Eventually led to her insulting me. Haven't spoken to her since then. We are still going ahead with the trip.