I'm on the edge of breaking down and I have no idea what to do next.

I've had narcolepsy all my life, but I tried to explain it off. Also, people would just tell me that I'm lazy and I just need to get out here. College was tough, I barely made it through. When I moved out on my own I found myself living in an apartment that I lacked the ability to care for. I have had many points in my life where I couldn't even get up to get food because of how lethargic I felt.

Cue a couple years ago I took a sleep study and got diagnosed with narcolepsy. I was determined, I finally knew what was causing me to feel so terrible all the time. We tried a lot of medications but only the most extreme ones worked. I am currently on Desoxyn since nothing else has seemed to come anywhere near as close. Unfortunately, it feels like the tolerance built up very quick. I lost my job in October and had to move out of state, and my doctor told me since I was moving she didn't want to increase my dose. I had a hell of a time in my new state getting my prescription because of some ridiculous rules here.

Anyways, even with my prescription now I can barely function. It takes effort just to do simple tasks, such as get up and go to the bathroom, or brush my teeth. Once again I am barely eating because it's so difficult to get up and make food. I bought Soylent, but even that's difficult to make, plus it makes me feel even worse that this is how low I am. My apartment is a mess, I have a huge list of things I need to do, as well as an equally long list of side projects that I have all the stuff for but haven't been able to do.

Today was one of my worst days. I woke up with my head spinning, I took my medicine and went back to bed. I woke up later and tried to get up to do things but it was so difficult to even stand. I had all these errands I planned to do today, but I ended up staying the entire day in bed. I got up multiple times and did jumping jacks and such to try to energize myself, and it worked... for about 10 minutes. Then I would get hit with an even bigger wave of tiredness and would have to lay down. I'm seriously at the end of my rope. I have an apartment that has been sitting for almost 3 months unfurnished, and I'm crying right now because I'm realizing that I have no idea how I'm ever going to accomplish all this stuff. Every day after work I'm so tired I just have to eat and go to bed, and the weekends keep turning out to be just as terrible.

I really don't know what to do, but I'm starting to feel more and more hopeless that I'll ever be able to just be alive and awake. The worst part is this all depresses me, which, as you can guess, makes me EVEN MORE FUCKING TIRED! I know I should go see a doctor but I've been putting off calling the doctor because of being lethargic and apathetic (along with everything else I need to do). Honestly, I have no idea why I'm writing this, but I had to vent somewhere.