How the hell do I make a move? The clock is ticking.

I've consciously known I am trans for around five years; and although I've gone through periods of denial and downplaying, I have been certain for the past 9 months or so, with no doubts other than "how!"

I definitely don't have a great living situation, or a ton of disposable income, but if I wait for the perfect time to start this then it will never happen! I'm just a chronic procrastinator and I could never start a project until I saw the deadline on the horizon. I've tried motivating myself with incentives and treats but I know myself too well to fall for my tricks.

For the past two and a half months every day has been the same: I spend all day trying to get the courage to call a local clinic that does some IC HRT and make an appointment—then i either stay up all night racking my brain and writing trying to make myself 100% certain and motivated, or I have a drink and feel completely pumped to start and then wake up scared again.

I've even written myself a script for when I call, because I get nervous on the phone and I hate hearing my voice. But why can't I make the call? How do I make today the day?