I just want to wander, then no one would ever have to worry about me, to love me...

I'm 21 now. But i am in the worst years of my life. I chose the wrong university. I spent 2 years wasting my life for what i don't even like. I can't even make new friends, so a girlfriend is IMPOSSIBLE! But i don't want to make people around me worry.

I used to be a positive, active, nice guy who always want to make new friends and know new things, always want to show every one what i can do. But now, i just want to hide in a corner or sit alone outside the balcony and regret what i have done and could have done. The past, the present and the future are simply messed up.

Every day i wakeup fighting to go to the class or not. I used to be the best student in highschool, but now i'm nothing. No friends, no interests, no more hope. I live like a shadow, don't know what to do. When i get home at weekend, i always try to smile, to show my parents that i'm ok. I want to tell them that i'm stuck, but that will hurt them too. They work hard to afford my study but i can't even make them pround of me.

I don't know what to do now. Can't get a reason to keep moving on. I haven't slept for days. It's getting worse and i just don't have any friends to talk to. My depression and loneliness are killing me, but i can't say that to my family cause it would be unfair for them. They love me but i just keep making them worry about me. I am so bad and selfish, am i?

Maybe i should quit the study, go far away and never return, or even die. :(