Back to Square One

I'm back to day one. I did well for a couple of weeks, and then proceeded to go over to my friends house, who I KNOW I will get hammered when there. There is no moderation with them at all, and it's so easy for my drunk brain to kick in and say I can have just one. I proceeded to flirt with two guys I have no real interest in and ended up hooking up with one (who lives across the street....) I'm so mortified by it. Especially since it's a completely 180 from who I am when sober. I don't know if I should apologize for it, or try to ignore it and move on. I'm so used to apologizing after I drink that it's just my immediate reaction when I wake up hungover as hell.

I always figured that since I don't drink that often, it's okay. I'm entitled to do this since it's a bi-monthly thing. The thing is it isn't ok. Alcoholism runs in my family, back at least a few generations, and it's always going to be there. So I'm back at day one. I just gotta get through tonight. I can only worry about what's happening right now.

I'm glad I found this subreddit. All of you are so awesome. I hope I can pull through tonight.