I need embarrassing Army Husband gear....and GO!

So my fiancée is prior service, and I wanted to get him a SUPER SWEET Proud Army Husband shirt because he's going to be an #officialdependa. But I can't find anything at the PX, shopette, hell, even online. I'm looking for maximum cringe, guys. Think 'His boots, her flip-flops' but more.....I don't know the word. Embarrassing? Horrendous? IF it's a good enough idea I might just have pizzadad doodle it up and make some sweet, sweet swag. I'm talking bumper stickers, magnets, hats, everything that says 'I am confident in my sexuality and am in no way threatened that my wife wears the boots in the relationship'. Besides, what ELSE will he wear to the monthly FRG events?!

I am eagerly awaiting your responses, r/army. Stay classy.