[ROLEPLAY]The Fuck-Up catches up with the Fucker-Uppers

Sergey Shoygu's office was rather cold this time of year. The Minister of Defence wasn't an easily chilled man, and so never had the heating on. Sergey Lavrov would have shivered, but showing weakness was a bit like pointing out your jugular in a sword fight.

SHOYGU: How did it happen? How on Earth did this happen?? Why is your farce about Medvedev having no knob on the front page of the New York Times?

LAVROV: I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps rogue Communists hacked my computer, or maybe my staff aren't quite as loyal to United Russia as we thought.

SHOYGU: I should never have listened to you. Never. If we hadn't have run Segei Ivanov, Medvedev would have won in round one!

LAVROV: Well, I couldn't have known Mikhail Gorbachev was about to go and die. If he'd stuck on a week longer, everything would have been perfect.

SHOYGU: There's no use speaking about if, Sergey. We have what is and what isn't, and right now we're heading into round two of a Presidential election where -

LAVROV: Oh, god! No! Medvedev has exposed himself to schoolchildren!

Sergey Shoygu heard Lavrov's words, but did not quite understand them.

SHOYGU: Well, I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Then, he processed them, and blinked twice.

SHOYGU: AGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

The Defence Minister responded to this most unfortunate news by picking up a plate, and hurling it at the wall.

SHOYGU: Why...Why would he do that? I just, I don't. Why?

LAVROV: It's, well...it's beyond even my comprehension. He's literally pulled his penis out, live on TV, to a bunch of ten year olds. What kind of a man is he? His brain must be the size of a singular bean, and with the same inherent properties.

SHOYGU: Don't just standd there, Sergey! Do something, you're the long term planner, bloody do something!

LAVROV: The only thing we can do now is get the strongest drink you have, sit down, and wait. There's no saving a man who everyone things is a homosexual pervert with genital issues. It just can't be done.

Shoygu nodded, and sent for his best vodka. With the television turned on, and the results coming in, the two men knew it was going to be a long night.