One Year Later... An open letter to my ex-husband.

I'll start off by saying I wish the word "husband" didn't have to even be there. What a mistake.

I will never thank you for what you have done to me. I will never give you any credit for where I am at in my life now, but do know that I am so, so much more happy now than I ever was being with you.

Did you think things through when you ended our relationship? Did you ever consider that someday our children will know that you left me for someone else, lied to police to make me look like an abuser, played yourself to be the victim when you know very well that it was I that was abused? It was me that was choked, had a gun to my head, hair pulled, face beaten. Do you remember all that? Do you remember how many times you cheated on me and tore me apart? Does your new fiance know that? Or are you continually going to fill your life up with lies? Do you tell her I'm a horrible mother so when you have the kids she thinks she's helping out by trying to fill my place? Because she's not. She's over-stepping. I am not dead. I am very alive, very healthy, and am a fantastic mother to my children.

Do you know I will never be gone? Do you realize we will be going to high school graduations, college graduations, weddings, the birth of our grandchildren together? Did you think about all that when you were sneaking out a year ago to cheat on me while I stayed home worried sick wondering where you were?

One year later... I am...

60 pounds lighter firstly, so f*ck you for calling me fat. I'm realizing now that you are in part to blame for that. You never wanted to go out and enjoy the world. You always wanted to stay at home and sit in front of a screen.

Well I've explored the world in the last year, and it's beautiful! I've gone to more state parks this past year than I have in my lifetime! Hiking, kayaking, all kinds of sporting events, concerts, multiple states. I'm having a blast!

I am more self-confident than I ever have been in my life! I have the courage to say what I want to say, to include myself in conversations, or hell, I even make conversations now. I am no longer the shy girl. I've been told I'm the most popular person at my workplace, which is something I'm still getting used to, but it's great. I can't say "thank you" to you for that though.

I can't say "thank you" for leaving me and opening up the chance of me meeting someone who does love me, for who I am. Who does love me, no matter my weight. Someone who has been there every step through this incredibly painful but eye-opening journey. Someone who has been loyal, who has never once raised his voice at me, and the best yet? He has never, ever laid a hand on me.

But I can't say thank you.

You pushed me past my limits. You had me at my breaking point. I never understood how someone could get so low their only out was to commit suicide. But you pushed me to that low. You pushed me to a low I never wish to experience again. You set me up, you framed me, you manipulated me (and the system).

You are truly a coward.

Today happens to also be the 3 year anniversary of me trying to divorce you, back when I had found out you were cheating on me for the 100th time. You told me you would kill yourself if I left then. You forced me into staying by abusing my kindness. Now I know that the only reason you didn't want me to leave is because you can't be alone. The reason you left me for this other girl because someone else actually wanted to be with your pathetic self, so you weren't ever going to be alone. You left me alone though. Alone at night crying, sharing a bed with our children while you were laying in bed with her, feeling great about yourself I imagine. I've been alone.

I've come to realize my resentment and anger when everything started happening was because it wasn't me leaving you, like I should have done a long time ago, but it was because you left me first. When I should have done that so long ago.

So there's no thank you's. I am so much better off, so grateful for an opportunity to discover myself, learn who I am as a person and grow. Not many people get to say they got a 2nd chance in life. I did though.

So here's one big fuck you.