TIFU by letting my pet snake crawl up my sleeve

Yes, I know you reptile enthusiasts are chuckling and shaking your heads, but please bear with me. Insert obligatory “this actually happened a few years ago” disclaimer.

It was a warm spring evening and I was spending quality time with Guapo, my approximately three-year old Sonoran black king snake. He’s generally pretty chill due to the fact that I handled him often from a very young age - when he’s out, I typically let him crawl over my shoulders, around my neck, and down my arms, but occasionally he will opt to slither into one of my pockets and relax curled up in a ball, or occasionally crawl up my shirt sleeve only to emerge from my shirt down at my waist. No big deal, right?

So, this time he decides to go exploring up my left shirt sleeve (I’m wearing a t-shirt) and I’m all like “whatever.” But then he gets still, and shortly thereafter I become aware of a mild stinging sensation in my armpit. The stinging gradually gets a little more intense, and suddenly I realize, “Oh, SHIT. THE LITTLE FUCKER IS BITING ME.” And sure enough, he has latched on good. I guess maybe it had been just a little too long since he had last been fed or perhaps the warm spring weather caused me to perspire just enough that my tender flesh reminded him of dinner, but either way he is not letting go.

So, I remembered that submerging a snake in water will get it to let go of you in the event of a bite, and since I don’t have a bathtub, I chose the next obvious course of action, which was to pour full pint glasses of water down my shirt and onto my serpentine pal. No go, and now he is dangling from my armpit and hissing like crazy, something he never does. I conclude that the only way to get him to detach from me at this point is by getting into the shower, so as I begin to take off my t-shirt to do so, he suddenly releases. Evidently shedding some light onto the situation caused him to realize that I was not in fact an extra-extra large thawed mouse. So, he’s back to his normal self and the crisis has been averted, but now I’m standing half naked in my kitchen in a huge puddle of water with a quarter-sized bleeding raspberry in my left armpit.

I still have Guapo and we’re still good pals, but needless to say he lost all sleeve-spelunking privileges after that incident.

tl;dr: Let my snake crawl up my sleeve, got bit in the armpit.