[WP] The laws of thermodynamics are only "guidelines" [SFF/Humor] [~750 words]

"Lisa, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!" - Homer

 

Dr. Yao turned my device around in his hand as he examined it. "Hmm. I mean, it is well crafted, I'll give you that."

"Well crafted," the panel agreed in low murmurs.

"And it definitely solves a problem. This is the sort of entry we were looking for. A revolutionary solution."

"Indeed," agreed the panel.

I allowed myself a thin smile. The culmination of my life's work was now out of my hands. I could not be more proud.

"And it's very cold... Are you masking the heat signature?"

I beamed. "The heat is fed directly into the input. It's a very clever arrangement. You see I aligned the dissipator along the path of the beam output, thereby feeding the exhaust back into the manifold with one hundred percent efficiency."

Dr. Yao scowled. "One... hundred... percent?"

"Actually it's more like one hundred and four—"

The doctor sharply cut in, "Are you telling us, Mr....?"

"Klein."

"Are you telling us, Mr. Klein, that this machine is... perpetual?"

"Well, yeah," I said, a little put off by the change in Dr. Yao's tone. I had thought if ever there were a reason to go outside the guidelines.... "A solution to our planet's power needs: an unlimited energy source. And, look, it's the size of an apple."

A groan escaped the panel. Dr. Yao conferred with the lanky figure next to him, then took a last look at my device before tossing it into a bin behind him. "Rubbish. This violates the laws of thermodynamics! I'm afraid we have to disqualify you."

I felt a warm rush of blood escape to my face. "But, sir, think of the benefit to society!"

"In this society we follow the rules!"

"Surely you could make an exception for—"

"Guards!" Dr. Yao shouted. "Seize this violator!"

"What!" I stepped backward, reeling, barely able to process what I was hearing. "But my device will solve everything! Imagine a world with free energy... a world without crisis..."

Dr. Yao shook his head slowly as he looked down his nose at me. "The law is the law, young Klein, and you have broken it."

From behind, steely hands gripped my arms. I struggled against my captors but it was to no avail: against my violent protests I was dragged away and tossed into a foul dungeon, where there was no one but the condemned to hear my cries.

*****

I sat in the darkness for some time, wallowing in gloom, when a shadow stirred in the corner of my cell, startling me. "Crying is useless," it said, gliding into the thin light that emanated from a faraway sconce. "There is no hope for you here." When I realized the form before me was just a frail old man with rotten teeth, I managed to settle my nerves. "Tell me," the old man said, "What have they locked you up for?"

"Perpetual motion machine," I said, sniffling. I wondered how long this old man had been locked away here; his eyes had the look of a man who has seen centuries. "How 'bout you?"

"Entropy-free ice cream." He spat.

I shook my head slowly, a little taken aback. I allowed some time to pass before asking, "Why do we dare to dream, Old Man?"

"I do not know," he said. "This society has ills. This society is a dying ember suffocating for oxygen—and we have the intellect to overcome, if only we could... if only we could overturn these tyrannical physical laws."

"Wait, your solution to society's problems was to invent entropy-free ice cream?"

"What?" the old man barked. "No—I just wanted ice cream that doesn't melt. It was but a gift."

"You offered the World Council ice cream that doesn't melt?" I asked incredulously.

"That was just my opener! A little treat you see. I never got around to my real gift." He flashed a gummy, rotten smile. The smile was ancient, well-worn. "The gift of eternal life."

It was then that I saw the old man's smile for what it was: a wry, listless acceptance of his fate. "How long?" I asked with both pity and amazement. The hubris of introducing immortality to our doomed society! The hubris of introducing it on yourself.... "How long will you suffer here?"

The old man spat again. "As long as it takes, young one." And with that he scratched another tally into a wall I now saw was filled with thousands and thousands of marks. "As long as it takes."