I have a weird type of obsessive thinking- I was wondering if anyone can relate or help.

So I have been wanting to post this for a long time. This is my throwaway account, so why not. (After reading all this- my god, I sound crazy.)

I know a lot of people on here have obsessive thinking. From what I read, it consists of a lot of negative thoughts.

I deal with a different kind of obsessive thought. Once I get sucked in, I don't feel like "myself" and it is difficult to get out of. Basically, there is something that triggers my anxiety. I start to not feel "me," which I am sure is common for a lot of you. Then, this is where it gets weird- sometimes, as a "coping mechanism," I have to keep reassuring myself positive things, (instead of, contrastingly, thinking about negative things, which is what I read a lot about here).

I don't know if this sounds more like OCD?

Anyways some examples will be: telling myself over and over again, literally for hours, that I will be fine and my life won't be ruined by this anxiety, that I have friends, that I am not a loser/failure, that I was right in this argument with this toxic person etc. Then I have to think of examples, over and over again, to reassure myself that these things are true (such as: "I'll be ok, I just went two weeks without having a crazy anxiety attack" or "I achieved this and that," or "I wasn't wrong with dealing with this person this way because...," etc.)

Guys, I literally get into this loop of thoughts reassuring myself the same things with the same examples, and it ironically keeps the anxiety going (even thought it is kind of positive thinking). The only way to come down is stop and just calm down, but it can be so hard because I don't feel like "me" for hours or days.

Mind you- I can go a long time feeling "like myself" and push these away easily. One instance is if I am already having a couple of good days, I get the momentum to keep going and it is much easier (until, obviously, a bad day happens). Or if my long distance boyfriend is visiting, or if I go on a trip to somewhere new, or if I have been being social and seeing my friends a lot. I am sure that makes sense.

I have never put my thoughts down about it before. I just need any type of support. Thanks.

PS: I started 5 mg Lexapro in January and recently increased it to 10 mg, so I am medicated. The medication works when I have not already gone down the rabbit hole of endless thinking.