I am in love with my ex-husband.

So I just posted here a few days ago about how I slept with my ex-husband. We got divorced a few years as a result of me not wanting children. I ran into him recently and we've picked up where we left off.

I had dinner with him last night at his apartment. He cooked dinner as he always did when we were together. I spent the time before we ate cleaning the table and the kitchen, as I always did when we were together. We fell back into this comfortable routine that we had when we were together all those years ago.

We had dinner, but I decided to tell him straight up how I felt: I still do not want children, even though I'm in my mid-thirties, I don't want them. I will never want them. And that I didn't want to lead him on. He stopped me in the middle of my nervous rant and told me the following:

He did a lot of growing in the three years I didn't see him. After we got divorced, he moved in with his brother and sister-in-law. His brother and his wife left for a few months to do some mission work in Africa and he agreed to watch their children (his nephews). He said that in the six months he got to take care of them, he understood what it was like to be a parent. He told me that it's more than just cleaning up their messes and changing diapers, but it's being a friend to them and giving up your life in order to let them grow.

He told me that he didn't know just how much work it was to have a child. He said he liked the idea of children, and he still does--but he doesn't ever see himself as a father. He doesn't ever see himself splitting himself in two to devote himself to a child in that way, and he doesn't want to. He understood me, and he said he understands why he waited so long to start having conversations about children in our relationship--because he wasn't ready, and never would be.

When he said all of this, I was taken aback. I wasn't sure how to react. I brought him back to reality; I told him to make sure he wasn't just saying this to please me. He started crying and begged me to forgive him, because he said that's why he didn't reach out to me after he had this realization. He's the one that filed for divorce and essentially made me feel like I was wrong for not wanting to have children. But I never felt wrong, I just felt left out? I guess that's how to say it.

We talked for hours. It's currently 3am, and he just fell asleep. I'm sitting in his living room. I am so in love with him. Before he fell asleep, I told him I love him--and I will always love him. He leaned up and kissed me. My stomach aches because I just love him so much. I joked that we should run to the chapel and get married. He said that he's free this weekend, but I'm not sure if he was serious or not.

I love him. I'm also a little drunk because I drank so much wine. But I'm so happy and feel so great.