TIFU By Punching My Dick

So like every other 18 year old guy, choking the chicken is a mandatory "before bed" sort of event for me. Now, when I'm wacking Wally, I usually fold an old white t-shirt in half and use that instead of my hand or lube or any of that. No mess, easy to dispose of, seems like the perfect system, right? Well it worked great for years, until about 10 minutes ago. When I picked up a shirt to use I noticed a particular odd odor coming from it, but a cursory glance showed nothing wrong, so I proceeded to pull up a website, get the shirt ready, and go to town. Right as I'm about to go full out Mount Vesuvius, I see this biggest fucking stink bug of my life crawl out from the folds of the shirt and right onto the tip of my dick. I immediately screamed, came, and swung my free hand straight at my dick as hard as I could while forming a fist. It was pure reflex. I ended up punching myself right on the tip, which sent a bolt of searing pain through my dick and out my asshole. I also managed to smash the bug into a little puddle of bug juice and jizz. So here I am holding an ice pack on my broken dick and writing my first TIFU post.