[3159] Obstructed Air (A whodunit style mystery) Chapter 1

I restarted writing for the first time in a dozen or so years recently, I've mainly been writing science fiction completing the first part of a very lengthy saga late last year and I came to realise that I was relying too much on plot over character. So I decided to set myself a challenge and write a contemporary novel which focuses almost entirely on the characters and has very little in the way of action.

I came up with a pretty dark and gritty, almost hard boiled, mystery of which I'm about a third of the way through and I decided to re-read what I've done. This is from the first draft but I tried to craft it as I wrote it so it should read better than a normal first, and I don't yet know how to revise. There are a few parts that read a bit odd to me but I am not experienced enough to know how to fix them so I'm hoping different perspectives will help.

This is my first submission but I've critiqued a number of others writings: 2079, 4700, 798, 2011, 922, 2548 all up slightly over 13,000 words.

Thanks.