Being Sober

Over the past year I've used mirtazapine, Depakote, weed and alcohol to get to sleep and even out my mood. I don't seem to be able to feel like anything, other than frustrated and low without mirtazapine, wine or weed.

I've come off the mirtazapine and just before that I cleaned my house (you could eat off my floors now, for first time for years.). I've been off sick from work since before Christmas, we're now fast approaching may. I just want to know how to feel happy or content. I want to sleep for eight hours and be awake before 9.30. I want to do what everyone else does. I want to want to work. I want to feel the desire to chase girls (I'm 26).I want to have some drive....but all I really want at any given moment is somewhere comfortable to lay down and enough chemicals to send me to sleep. I'm fed up and being sober feels awful. What should I do with my time between now and when I die? How do you all just close your eyes and sleep? How do you hear the alarm clock in the morning?