I am ending it tonight.

I don't even know what to say, just that I want to say thanks to all the people who have tried to help me, yet I don't see a reason to go on. My family and my dog are the only things that held me together, I didn't want to see them hurt, but in return, I'M hurting. I'm living a life that I don't want to live because of someone else's sake.

I have tried it all: therapy, meds, church, hobbies, hell, even meditation..but I do not see things getting better, only getting worse. It's been a month since the breakup and not only are my very high dosage of antidepressants not helping, but my anxiety had peaked to the point where if I leave my house, I have a panic attack. I'm not feeling strong, I'm not feeling positive, and I do not feel that things will get better.

I have tried SO HARD..you can look at my reddit history. It's been a downward spiral, and just when I think things are gonna get better, something pops up and sends me back down again. I am physically and mentally tired, and I prayed, for one last time, for God to show me some sort of compassion or hope, that I may actually want to keep going. But as usual, he ignores me. I will not be talking to him anymore - it's clear that he doesn't like me.

I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate my thoughts haunting me, I hate depression, I hate seeing other people happy, I hate having to live like this for any longer. Everyone I love leaves me anyway, so why do I really need to be here? Seriously. What is the point.

I had tried before, but I always punked out, but this time I really don't give a fuck; I'm not scared anymore. Being alive is already the worst thing to happen to me.