How I describe my depression. Share your own description.

One day day I woke up, realizing for the first time something was amiss. I can't remember the actual time I realized it, but it was profound. It's a slow killer, a slow disease if you will. It's crazy how the slow demise comes to conclusive evidence that you're fucked.

I have had times where I was self aware of what was happening before I was truly aware of what I've become. The typical loss of interest in previous hobbies and social interactions. I brushed it off, but one day I realized that I truly am "depressed". It's weird really. Even upon realizing the fact that my mind gripped strongly to doubt, the realization became an impenetrable wall.

The worst part about it for me is the narcissism evoked from it all. I hear different stories of struggle, but I just want to point out my own story. I'll listen to what you have to say, but only because the core of my character deems me bound to the nature I've been given. It's the most selfish state of mind I've ever known. You could tell me your deepest secrets, and I'll play along, but I truly don't care, at least not enough to turn promise into action. I do care, at times, but I can't see past the wall I've created.

The worst part of depression is the fact that you do not lose your mind, you're completely aware of the destruction of yourself, but also to the ones around you. Friends fall despite them reaching out, even family. I don't blame them, but it's impossible to explain. Even love, I fight my hardest to entertain my role, but I know I'm not doing enough.

I'm grateful for my ability to go in day in and day out, despite knowing the work I do is not for me. I know I have to, because I have to provide, I have to provide something, money. I can't always do what I'm supposed to though, there are times when the wall is too high to climb.

So what is depression for me then? Living? At moments, yes. But mostly, it's surviving. It's not really sadness, It's the complete lack of emotion really, as well as motivation. Years pass like minutes to an hour and my excuse ran dry before I even used it. To my love, my family, my friends, I am sorry I haven't been there enough . I like cheese. I keep truckin' just hope I manage to get a grip, take the help, pet meow meows. (cats)