Me [23 F] with my basketball coach [35 M] hooked up once while he had a girlfriend. Thinking about returning to the team but not sure if it is a good choice due to the possibility of rumors.

The details of this have been changed just in case, but all of the important bits remain intact.

Three years ago my coach and I hooked up (bj) after a few hours of playing 'spin the bottle' with another couple while away at a tournament. At the time he was in a relationship with another girl on the team, and he is now engaged to this girl. I was very drunk and at the time I felt that it wasn't my responsibility to watch out for her, but after the fact I felt insanely guilty and have deeply regretted the choice ever since. I've since dealt with my feelings of guilt and decided that telling her was not a good choice, since I am certainly not the only girl he has ever cheated on her with and I feel it would be intrusive.

I left the team because work got busy about 6 months later. About a year ago I found out that the other girl who was present while the games were going on (who left me in the room with him when she and her guy went to bed) told some people on the team what happened and it got around. She didn't know all of the details, although I was really clear with her that my pants stayed on. She did know that I felt guilty about what happened, however. I have no idea what details of the story went around, how accurate they were, or if they ever made it to his fiance. The girl who spread the rumor has a reputation as a huge drama queen and a kind of crappy person, and she left the team a while ago.

I'm now considering re-joining, since it is a high level team and there aren't a lot of other good options in my area. Additionally, I was invited by one of the female coaches in a very enthusiastic manner, so at the time I thought there probably wasn't anything too negative going on.

At the first practice people were very welcoming with me; didn't get any bad vibes. However, when I went to pay (coach's fiance handles the finances), she wasn't making a lot of eye contact. Additionally, male coach walked up to me and asked 'are you really back?' It might have been because he wanted to know at tryouts if they'd need to place someone on an established team, but it might also have been because he was upset or needed to have a conversation with his fiance.

I don't want to make this girl's life any less comfortable. She is a sweet person and I know that I was absolutely in the wrong and am willing to pay the price for that if necessary, but at the same time I don't want to switch teams if I don't have to. I've already been through hell on a personal level dealing with the guilt, and I know I would never make the same choice again.

I'm thinking I am going to walk up to male coach (in a public place but where no one can hear us talking) and nonchalantly ask, "is there a reason I shouldn't return to the team? Because if there is, I won't." If he says yes, I don't return. If he says no, I leave it at that.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to approach this? About the ethical implications of returning? Etc..? How to deal with questions if they ever come up from teammates?

tl;dr: Should I return to a team when I hooked up with a coach who was in a relationship with another girl on the team? A rumor might have gotten around about it, but it might not have. Want to be considerate of the girl but also would prefer to this team. Any suggestions on how to deal with teammates, the ethics, etc?