Aghhhhh

I'm shaking right now with anxiety, I don't have anyone to vent to about it right now, so I guess I'll put this here.

I'm out to my entire family except for my brother, who I've been trying to work up the courage to tell for months now. I keep planning on going over to his place to talk to him, but keep finding excuses to put it off. I've been avoiding telling him not because he'll be against my transition or anything, but... we're not close and he's very much a guy's guy.

I started on hormones a few months ago and basically only wear feminine clothes nowadays (except when around him).

I was home alone and heard a knock at the door, I thought it was going to be a package delivery. I open the door and am face to face with my brother. Holy shit awkward. We both stood there in shock for a long moment. The two of us stammer out a conversation as I about-face and bee-line to my room, unable to look him in the eye.

He left not long after, a few minutes ago, but aghhhh I'm panicking and don't know what to do with this nervous energy.

Sigh. I guess now I have a lead-in to this conversation on Saturday. Maybe this is something I wanted/needed to happen in a way.