My life is becoming a black void

I really feel worried about myself. I don't know what to do anymore.

Ever since Summer, my life has been screwed up, my ex left me as soon as my mom got out of the hospital for losing a kidney for cancer, my cats were dying in front of me months apart, and my grandfathers health was a time bomb that eventually went off and he passed in February. As I was trying to pick up the pieces to my life. Some "friends" came and saved me, only to kick me down and send me back to that fucking hole I was in. This thing has repeated ever since Summer at least once a month.

I really don't want to kill myself. My life is too valuable. But I really just don't know where to pick up my life anymore...