Invidia on why my education doesn't matter, but first I'd like to address the group...

Thanks to my sister, who has frequented reddit for years, I found this group. I didn't have an account prior to posting here but after reading your stories and talking it over with my sister I thought it would be therapeutic to share.

My family has heard (and unfortunately have been personally involved) with the shit Invidia has pulled for over 9 years. They have supported me to the best of their abilities, and recently so has my husband. Invidia wasn't bad in the beginning, but when she progressively got worse my husband and I were blindsided. Things were not handled well on either of our parts. We let Invidia come between us and our marriage was a struggle for a bit until we resolved a lot of our issues.

Even though the stories I share with you all happened within the last 9 years doesn't mean they no longer hurt me. As I sit here recalling these horrible incidences it reopens old wounds. Prior to this group I always wondered if the decisions I made to protect me and my kids from Invidia were wrong. I've always second guessed myself about everything. I try to look at the whole picture for everyone who is involved and want to be fair. After reading your stories I am more confident in the decisions I've made. Thank you.

Also, anytime before Invidia was brought up in conversation, fuck just hearing her name, sent me into a panic attack. I don't get those as often anymore. You all are warriors, survivors, protectors. You all have my utmost respect and support. I love you all, and want the best for you.

However, there are some rude fucking people in this group. There have been several occasions, reading and replying to comments on my rants, that I felt attacked. That I felt dumb. No one here should be made to feel that way. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. God, why am I saying that to a group of adults??? We are all victims here. My husband is a victim. Yes, he didn't have my back before, and we've worked on that. We are in a much better place now. But I have to remind myself he to, is a victim of Invidia.

Now...On with the story...

Back in the summer of 2009, husband and I were newly weds. Invidia and FIL have moved into our apartment complex after their home was foreclosed on. Before living in our southern state, my husbands family was born and raised on Long Island. During those years FIL worked 80 hour weeks doing a trade that his father, and grandfather did. He took pride in his work and being able to support his growing family and Invidia, who was a stay at home mom.

I never understood why they moved. Invidia and FIL say it's because they use to vacation to our beach (tourist trap, IMO) town and loved sitting on the rocks and watching the waves at the local beach and just knew it's where they needed to be. Away from NY. Away from the drama. Yet... they chose a town that has no career prospects, and absolutely nothing in his field of work.

Inevitably, they lost their home. (they would have lost it with an income anyway. It was beyond their means, and they are horrible with money.) FIL slipped into a depression and hasn't left his bed since the summer of 2009. Invidia, who only worked odd jobs here and there, and who was primarily a stay at home mom had to return to work.

Around the same time I too, lost my job at a pharmacy chain, and after all considerations my husband and I decided it would be the perfect time for me to go ahead and enroll in nursing school. He had a great job at the time, and my leftover grant and student loans would help pay for whatever else we needed. After I finished school, and once I found a job, my husband was going to return to school for his 4th time. We had a solid plan. Until, my husband also was terminated from his job. Our new plan was pretty much the same, the only differences were my husband was going to find a job and I was going to look into part time work.

Then Invidia finds out our plans. It wasn't a secret, but it wasn't something we wanted to discuss. We didn't want her unsolicited advice. I began my school applications, placement test, etc. One night, I came home and saw my husband filling out grant applications on the computer. I questioned what he was doing and he replied "just curious." A few weeks later he tells me he took his placement test, and he can skip quite a few classes. My reaction was "wtf???" I asked why is he pursuing his education? I thought his primary focus was going to be work, we can't both me full time students and part time employees. We couldn't financially survive. He assures me that work will be his main focus, and he was only interested in one or two classes a week. When we were done registering for classes and talking about our schedules, I then see he is registered full time. I didn't understand what was going on. Why, a plan we both came up with, was being completely ignored? Why was he down playing his participation with school? Why wasn't he looking for work????

Because Invidia kept inviting him over to help with this here and there. When she got him alone she went on and on how he needed to do more to support his family. That he needed to return to school, that whatever job he gets afterwards would be better than my nursing job. Slowly but surely, she manipulated my husband. He truly thought that what he was doing was in our best interest. That's what she wanted him to believe. I know her better than to believe that.

I showed up to her apartment, without my husbands knowing, and asked her what the fuck she thought she was doing? Why have you convinced husband to go back to school?

"His education is more important than yours. He's extremely smart, and will succeed. Any job he finds afterwards will make more than you."
"Invidia, I've been waiting 4 years to go to college. Husband has gone and dropped out 3 times. He doesn't know what he wants to do. I think pressuring him is setting him up for failure. Why do you want to see him fail??"
"He's not going to fail. Besides, hes the man, you're the woman. His education is more important."
"In case you haven't noticed it's not the 1950's. My education is just as important. We both need an education and a great job to survive. We had a plan. He was going to return to school, just not yet."
"You are his wife. It is your duty to stay at home, cook, clean, raise your son, have more children. My son will not be supported by his wife. I never went to college. Neither did my sisters. My father said our education was a waste of money since we would never use it. I don't plan on sending SIL1 and SIL2 to college either. They will marry into a rich family and be stay at home moms."
"Is this a joke? Your daughters need an education. They need to learn how to be independent. If they choose to be SAHMs that's their choice. If they want a career and no children, that's THEIR FUCKING CHOICE. At least if they went to school it would be a plan b if something were to happen and they could no longer be SAHMs."
"They don't need a "plan B" their husbands will take care of them."
"Right. Because that has worked out so well for you hasn't it? Maybe if you would have invested in your education you wouldn't be in the predicament you're in. Maybe you would still have your home. Maybe you'd be making enough to actually support your family while FIL isn't working. Stay away from me and my family."

We ended up doing two semesters each. We started to run out of money, and we made the decision to take the last little bit of money we had and move to our capital. We struggled at first but after a year my husband found a job that then led him to more opportunities and eventually quadrupling his previous income. Since we were doing well financially I decided to become a SAHM.

Apparently Invidia thinks I'm lazy and am milking my husband for everything he is worth. How dare I stay at home and just spend husbands money? I need to grow up and find a job and pull my weight. She thinks I'm using him for his money, and insist that he needs to make a secret account and hide money so that when he leaves me I'll get nothing.

Fuck Off, Invidia.