She moved out, its over

Sorry for the long post, I tried to be brief but no luck :/

Long time lurker, first time poster. Let me first say thank you to all as it comforted me to know that I was not alone, and I've read a lot of interesting and helpful insights here.

I (M45) was involved in a DB situation with her (F39) for about 4 years, which has just come to a conclusion two weeks ago. In the beginning, she seemed LL, but only marginally; we had sex about once per week. I like it even more than that, but to me 1/wk is solid enough, anything more I'll usually count as "gravy". Though encounters were less frequent than I might have liked, I figured things would evolve as we grew closer. That said, it is nice to have gravy at least occasionally!

As time wore on, she put up clear boundaries... she doesn't like to spoon or cuddle or anything like that typically. She slept ensconced in an impenetrable pillow fort. Kissing devolved to pecks. I suppose I should have known then and got out while I could, but there was one reason I couldn't... one compelling thing that kept me going: I was hot for her like no other woman in my life. And I don't just mean sexually. I'd been married before, and had a number of other short term girlfriends, absolutely no one I've been with before EVER was as stunningly beautiful as she is. On top of her physical beauty, she was also usually very funny and cute and enjoyable to be around, and we had other things in common, so I felt I had really scored with her and I figured we could just work on the sex frequency issue as we go along and grow closer.

I kept thinking that things could somehow evolve and improve... after all, I am the kind of person that is always looking to improve my own self (e.g.: diet, exercise, money, etc). Anyway we were very serious in most other ways and so about 18 months ago she moved into my home. We were even thinking about tying the knot. These decisions would turn out to be pivotal.

Unfortunately this gal has an iron will and just wasn't really into it. Although she almost always seemed to have a GREAT time when we did have sex, frequency grew less and less until I was only getting any only once every 2 or 3 months. I was really bumming then :(

Anyway, maybe I've been grumpy because I'm starved, but I still tried to keep a very even keel and am generally a very positive person. But as we lived together and she started to make other demands around things like how to keep house, how to raise my kids, how to appropriate money, etc., I got to a point where I felt I just couldn't give much more, because I myself have been so systematically and thoroughly deprived of something that I had made very clear from the beginning was very important to me. I guess she felt it... within a few more months we began to argue more (not about sex... usually about other things that were important to her... if it were up to me we would be focusing on the _real_problem in our relationship... but I'm somewhat patient and not really argumentative).

Long story short, she got fed up and moved out a couple of weeks back. It hurts because I really loved her for all her other qualities. She was my dream gal, so to speak, except for a couple of things, most importantly (for me at least) the intimacy. In my heart of hearts I knew things could never work out long term until and unless we solved the DB... but I was perhaps naively optimistic that there was a solution to be had. At this point I'm trying to stay strong and not try to reel her back in because some part of me knows that it will always be a DB with her, and there is no changing her, and that there is someone out there more aligned with my libido. But it really sucks because I have never known a woman that was so ideal in so many ways (aside from the bedroom). But for me, the intimate aspects of a relationship are among the most important of aspects, and a DB is a deal breaker. So I suppose it is for the best that she has left, and I should just chart a new course and not look back. :( It still suck though, at least for now.