I want to die

I feel so worthless. I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

I have everything I could ever ask for.. I have a home, I have clothes and food... I have the best boyfriend I could ever ask for... Only thing that has been bringing me down was family problems... Emotional and physical abuse.. Things aren't as bad as they used to be, yet.. I feel worse each day, I feel hopeless, empty, I'm so tired.

Of course... there can be happiness, too.. From time to time.. But my feelings are dulling. It's the scariest thing. Many days seems to be blending into one, the only thing that I still care for is my lover, my friends.. However, something in my head says that they're all tired of me... Absolutely tired.

.. No one seems to take me seriously, no one in my family. Two telling me that I'm the one at fault, that I need to change my lifestyle, one telling me that they know best and that they just want to fix me themselves. Things that depression just won't let you fucking do.

I'm in high school, close to finishing it... I'll never have the courage to kill myself, yet I keep thinking of dying so... I'm slowly just ruining my life. Alive, but falling deeper into depression, annoying the ones around me more and more. I don't even know if I have it, or if this is just what I'm like..

A lazy, selfish husk.

I don't want to be a burden anymore. I don't know what to do. Nothing that I've done so far seems to work.. Going to the school counselor feels like a damn joke... Going to the clinic only to be told, "Do this and that for a month, and come back." I barely have the energy to do so anymore, or the time.

I'm so tired. I don't know what to do. Life shouldn't feel like this.

Do any of you know how to... get better..?