I think I might be agender but I really dont know, could I be? Or could i just be doing it all for attention?

Okay, so. i recently had a conversation with my boyfriend about gender that basically consisted of "well no one really feels gender right? they just follow their gender roles right" "no i feel like a dude" which kind of blew my mind, because i dont really understand how that feels, all my life its been kinda of an act.

I really dont know if i experience dysphoria either. All my life i felt like gender was just an act, like your given this gender and you either accept it and play into it or you dont. And playing the act was always extremely exhausting. I always had to toe the line of acting and dressing girly enough, and still looking androgynous enough to feel comfortable with myself. When ever someone misgendered me i would hate myself intensely for failing the act. I always felt like i was a failure, like i was wrong. And my abusers made sure to remind me of that. But on the other hand, i dont care about my body, as long as i LOOK androgynous im comfortable.

But at the same time i always see people saying things like, if you dont feel dysphoria your cis, or agender people do it for attention, or if you are agender that means you dont want to have genitals, etc etc. and i just dont know. ive been calling myself agender for about a month now, and im happier this way, i finally feel like things fit, i finally have a positive self image about myself. When people call my they i feel happy, i dont like being considered a man or a woman. But then i see things like "female bodied agender people are usually just cis girls that dont want to call themselves girls" or "if you never thought of your gender before then that means your cis, and your just trying to call yourself trans for "oppression points"" Ive had people call e a transtrender when i talked to them about it as well and i just.... i really dont know what i am. Im so much happier identifying this way, but then people basically say that im lying and wrong and i just feel horrible. i feel like im constantly going to be stuck in the "girl" gender box, because thats where people want me to fit.

Is it really possible that im just subconsciously doing this all for attention? What is it even like to feel or identify as a gender? Am i just being dumb nad over thinking all of this? i legitimately dont know what to do, i finally find something that makes me feel right and not alone and people push back against it saying im not good enough.