I'm a 25f, he is a 28M, 10 years mostly LDR, now he loves a girl from another country

This is going to be long, so I apologize. I can’t go to my family, and my only friends outside of my boyfriend are my coworkers. I need anonymous people to hopefully give me advice.

First, he is my “boyfriend” because it’s easier to tell people he is my boyfriend, or I had already introduced him as my boyfriend. The reality is he says we are still friends; he says I’m one of his best friends, but I don’t think he really cares, it’s just a confusing mess.

We met online when we were both young teenagers. We fell in love and we had a long distance relationship throughout my high school years. When I was 17 though, I made the biggest mistake of my life, and that was by going to a stupid celtic concert with a guy I met in one of my classes and kept it secret from my boyfriend. From what I remember, he found out because he signed onto my facebook and saw the messages about it. It was a terrible time and it’s pretty much what ruined the foundation of our relationship, it was never the same since. But we continued.

I planned on going to college in his state, but I couldn’t afford the out of state tuition, so I stayed in state. My second year of college, I met him in person for the first time. It was probably the happiest time of my life. I lost my virginity to him. When I came back to school, I had some flu like symptoms. Then a rash. I went to the clinic and I found out I am now the proud fucking owner of Herpes. I was 19. My boyfriend tried to tell me maybe I got it from a toilet seat?

He had never ever shown symptoms of herpes. I told him he is a lucky asymptomatic herpes carrier. He has still to this day never said he was sorry for giving me herpes. I know he didn’t even know he had it until I had an outbreak, but why couldn’t he have taken responsibility and just said he was sorry? I was depressed for a while, but I thought me and him would be together so it would be ok.

I visited him again during the breaks at school for the next couple years. I was a really bad student, and eventually dropped out after my 5th year of going nowhere. He was really mad at me because of this. He tells me he put his life on hold, that he missed so many opportunities because he was waiting for me to graduate and be successful. I was originally PreMed, until I realized I’m a shit student and just an all around idiot. I felt terrible, but I thought we were in love and that now all I had to do was get a job to save up money so I could move in with him.

Summer 2014 we spent around 3 weeks together, and I went back home feeling SO confident in our relationship. I got a job in October, and decided I would move in with him in summer 2015. I stupidly made an unrealistic money goal of 10,000 dollars…and he held me to it. So much so that when I only saved 7,000 he told me I already put a huge dent in our new life together.

So I am here with him now, in an entirely new state where I have zero friends and family, I know no one outside of him.

Now, about the girl from another country. She is from Austria. He won’t tell me exactly how they met, but they have been talking for years now, around 3 almost 4 years. He told her he loved her while I was all alone in college with zero friends and no family….all I had was him and my TV and my depression. The whole time he was telling me he loved me, he was also falling in love with another girl, younger than me(I think she is now 20 or 21) prettier than me, smarter than me, better than me in every way. She drives him crazy in the way I thought I used to.

This other girl has a boyfriend, and for a while stopped talking to my boyfriend, and my boyfriend also blocked her on skype and stuff. They recently started talking again and she told him she wants to be with him, but her boyfriend is in the way. She said if she keeps talking to my boyfriend, she will fall in love with him. She wants to visit him. But he told her he would rather visit her in Austria.

He told me all this while I told him I was OK with hearing it. I thought I was, but all the anger and hurt has come back. I thought I could just be friends with him, but I can’t. I don’t think he is nice to me, he makes me feel stupid, but I also know I am extremely over sensitive, but I just don’t think he treats me like I think a friend would.

I am 25, I need to lose weight, if I did I think I would be pretty and dateable, but why would ANYONE want to be with an average looking girl who is a college dropout, in huge student loan debt for a degree she never finished, and has herpes? My life is fucking over and it has been for a long time. I don’t know what to do. I could go back home and live with my mom and my dogs, but that future is bleak. I wont ever find anyone to love and to love me back, I’ll never make friends. I could stay and just live with him until he decides he really does want to be with that girl and he leaves for Austria.

If I leave, I am leaving someone that has been the biggest part of my life for over a decade. If I stay, I have someone who MIGHT give me physical affection sometimes?

TLDR: Me and my boyfriend met online over 10 years ago, was in a LDR, now together in real life. But he is now in love with another girl that he met online. Also he is the only person I have been with and he gave me herpes.