My ex-girlfriend (31/f) and I (27/m) tried to get close again and try to make things work, but it didn't

So to make this short and get to the point, my ex-girlfriend came back into my life at the end of January this year. She moved out (for the second time) in September of 2015. We tried to be friends, and yes, I know it wasn't going to work or help me get over things... after a couple months after she moved out, we stopped talking and stopped trying to be friends.

Fast forward to January... she texted me out of the blue when I was at work one day and asked to see me in person to talk. I agreed but wasn't sure if it was a good idea. She came over and seemed like a much happier person... a side of her that I haven't seen in a few years. We were together a little over 4 years.

We talked and said she forgives me for everything and still wanted me to be in her life. We got into further detail and agreed to try to be friends.

Now, I was completely heartbroken for 3 or so months after she left. I was finally starting to be in a better place from the heartbreak and things were looking up for me.

Fast forward a few weeks after she had that chat with me... Things started progressing as more than friends with us. For more than 6 weeks straight she saw me every single day. Each day I had her come over after we both got off work... had dinner, watched netflix, the usual. Eventually we got physical again and she'd often stay the night throughout the week and weekend.

Things seemed like they were really getting good between us. But, a few weeks ago things took a turn for the worse. We had an argument about something I don't even remember anymore and she backed away. Said she wanted space and my mind went crazy. All I wanted to do was make sure things were good between us and that she wanted to keep trying to work things out with me.

She said she needed space and time away from me because things were moving too quickly for her and she said she wasn't ready to get into something serious (which I am sure what we were doing was pretty serious). So this caused me to have constant anxiety about things and I would text/call and try to get a hold of her all the time... eventually she said I was pushing too hard and that she didn't want try things out anymore.

Now, without getting into much more detail about that situation, I realize now that we just don't work. She's an independent woman who is perfectly fine with doing everything in life on her own. Me, I am capable of doing things on my own, but I really enjoy the comfort of having someone around to care about and love.

I've realized I am very codependent. I rely on others for my happiness. After months of therapy (and still doing so) I have realized that I need to just focus on myself and do my own thing to make me happy and not worry about anyone else.

I guess my real issue is that I am still constantly thinking about her, like before. She's always on my mind and I try to do things to keep her out. My motorcycle is probably the number one thing that keeps me happy and even cruising around with close friends doesn't help very much.

I really want to get her out of my head. I realize we CANNOT be friends. I realize we cannot be in each others lives... at least not for a long period of time of no contact. But something inside me makes me cave in and shoot her the occasional text without a reply 90% of the time.

Now, she has agreed to bring me her carpet cleaner and help clean some stains out of the carpet in my apartment (that she moved out of) because she and I both have dogs and her dog did a lot of the mess on the carpet.

She is willing to help me with that as I expect her to because I do not want to pay $200 to have the carpet cleaned. I am in the process of buying my first home and I know that will be a good fresh start for me and allow me to keep myself busy with projects around the house.

She was actually supposed to stop by Wednesday but I changed my mind because the closer it got to having to see her, the more stressed out I got about things and I decided to hold off for another week and took my motorcycle out and rode with some friends all night.

I know it is a very bad idea to have her come over and see her in person but I feel that if she is willing to help me with it, then the easier it will be to just get it done and save money. I know I can ask other friends for help but I just don't want to deal with anyone else helping me clean the carpet.

I guess the one thing I want to try and do by posting this is get some advice about your experiences with break-ups and how to keep pushing that person out of your head until they are no longer relevant when it comes to being happy and not heartbroken/sad/depressed about the situation.

Now, I am very thankful for the time that we had together these past few months. It was great. We did things together I thought we never would. She has told me that during that time frame she really did enjoy herself around me but once things started going south she said she couldn't see herself with me in the long run anymore. That took a toll on me but it makes sense, why be with someone if you don't see anything in the long term?

I'm still in therapy, focusing on myself and trying to keep happy. I go to the gym a few times a week with a good friend and it helps some days. I try to keep busy but sometimes my motivation to do anything is out of the window.

I keep obsessing some days over her. Like, I have her blocked but I can view messages that are from blocked numbers on my phone in the spam folder... I find myself checking that multiple times a day with the hopes of something from her... but when there is actually something from her, I stress out and it kills whatever good mood I may be in. To me, that is a clear sign of why I cannot be with her anymore.

For a little bit of a background on myself...

I'm 27. I served 6 years active duty in the U.S. military. I got out a little over 18 months ago (honorably). I have a good paying job and like I said, I am in the middle of trying to purchase my first home. I know I have a lot of good things going for me that some people do not. I know I need to focus on myself and stop worrying about being alone but I feel like that is impossible. I have good days and bad days and most good days turn into bad days at some point from dwelling on things.

I have a few close friends and that's about it. I used to be very outgoing and loved meeting new people, but lately my self-esteem is out the window and I am way too afraid to talk to new people, men or women to try and make new friends. I realize I need to expand my circle of friends and keep meeting new people and focus on that for a while instead of dwelling on something that is in the past. Also, I haven't been single for more than a few months since I was about 16. I've always jumped from relationship to relationship. I know my ex has been about the same way as well. I know I need time to myself but I am not sure if that's really going to change anything or not. I'm open to going on dates but I am way too shy to talk to any women even if my friends are with me and try to convince me to go say hi or something.

What advice would you guys have for me? Anything at all would be fantastic and I will try to reply to each of you if it warrants! Thanks for taking the time to read this.

tl;dr: 4 year relationship ended in Sept. 2015. My ex-gf then came back into my life a few months after she moved out and wanted to be friends which led to more. Things didn't work out and I am back to feeling like crap about it. Trying to find new ways to cope and get advice about how to make happier in life without worrying about trying to be in a relationship for a while...