Parter (M, 30) doesn't trust me (23, F) anymore because of shitty, selfish behavior (and we are newly long distance)

Buckle up, kids, 'cuz I done fucked up. Throwaway account, 'cuz again, I done fucked up.

My partner and I have been together for ~1.5 years, but have known each other longer. When I met him, I was a bright, bubbly, confident person - I really had my shit together. Over the last year, depression has really taken its toll on me. It seemed like every time I started to get back on my feet, something else would happen and I'd spiral back down. I sporadically saw a therapist but eventually something would happen and I'd stop scheduling appointments, and that was that.

I am a messy person. I grew up in a house that I couldn't even see the floor of most of the time. Cleaning was done in manic bursts, and maintenance wasn't a thing I ever learned. I never knew, for example, that people washed their sheets more than once every 3-4 months. I thought it was normal for a sink to be constantly full of dirty dishes. I thought mice were normal, that every home had them. I literally woke up with a mouse in my hair once.

So since he and I moved in together a year ago, it's been rocky. He's a very neat, organized person. He expressed to me multiple times how much it bothered him that when he asked me to do x (usually related to cleaning, sometimes related to household responsibility), I failed to do it. This resulted in several massive fights.

He threatened to leave if things didn't improve.

Twice.

And things didn't get better.

From my perspective, I tried to make changes. I got better at doing the dishes. I tried to stay on top of sweeping. But I work 32 hours a week and am a full time college student, and cleaning wasn't a priority in my mind. I fully did not identify with how important it was to him. (We also have an incredibly messy roommate, who doesn't clean up their shit, which is an additional stressor.)

Three months ago, my partner was thrown into a family-related crisis and had to move back to the city he came from -- a 19-hour drive away. He was finally able to move there this past Saturday.

Since he's been gone, we've spoken on the phone several times and he has expressed that he's furious (and I mean, livid) about the way things have been here. He states that he no longer trusts me to do the things I say that I'm going to do, and he says that while he still loves me, he doesn't like me very much anymore (I can empathize. I don't like myself either). He also doesn't believe that I actually love him - he believes that love is not an emotion, but a series of choices, and that I've repeatedly made choices that disrespected him and communicated to him that I neither love nor respect him.

He told me that when I move out there (I'm done with school in about 1.5 years), if this behavior hasn't changed, we are done. This is reasonable, in my mind.

He says that before we talk about "us," he wants an answer as to why I have repeatedly ignored his wellbeing in regards to his anxiety about the house. The thing is, from my conscious perspective, my lack of cleanliness isn't related to him. It's related to 1) my depression, and 2) the way I was raised. I am literally trying to change a lifetime of bad habits. And that's fucking hard.

I am now taking active, strident steps to improve myself. I'm following a cleaning schedule. I clean xyz on Monday, abc on Tuesday, etc. I'm doing very well with it so far. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow morning and I'm going to try my hardest not to let this lapse again. I'm eating right for the first time in a long time. I'm trying. But it's too little, too late.

The thing is, I've seriously fucked up in order to lose his trust like this. And this is terrifying and totally new territory for me. I don't know if we can come back from this. He said the other day on the phone that he "wants to, but doesn't have all the answers." He has repeatedly expressed that he still loves me.

I desperately don't want to lose him. And I desperately want to get better about my reliability.

So... how do I answer the question "why did this continue to be an issue, after I brought it up, when you knew how bothered I was by it?" How do I go about answering that? How do I go about rebuilding this trust that he's lost in me from such a vast distance? What do I do? Just take it a day at a time?

TL;DR - I'm a slob, my partner doesn't trust me anymore because I'm unreliable and selfish, we're in an LDR, and I'm lost.