You are the Chosen One

There was an interesting conversation on our Slack channel about what creates that lust for power and control. After that conversation, I wondered, "What desire for power might remain in me?"

The thought must have done its work over the next few days. In retrospect, I can see how the answer was being shown to me in pieces. It all came together at the end of my meditation session this evening. I was inspired to feel into a question: "What power would I want if I could have it?"

Almost immediately, I felt a surge of adrenaline in my stomach and a needly lurch of energy. I realized that there was, indeed, a desire for power. Out of a fear of acknowledging it—a fear of ​becoming​ it—I had been suppressing it. Avoiding it. I had never looked at it so dead-on before. So, I did what I've come to see as the only way to approach such things, I gave myself permission to feel it fully and without judgment.

"What kind of power do you want?" I asked it. A sensation washed over me that felt like a strong desire to control people. It wanted to be able to manipulate and coerce others into an approving opinion of me. I opened more to the desire, and saw that it was willing to do anything, even fantastical things like mind-control or a charm spell (I've read too many fantasy novels, apparently). In fact, it didn't just want approval. It wanted adoration. It wanted to possess. It was a desire to be worshipped.

The feelings associated with this desire were shocking to me. I certainly hadn't acted upon any of these kinds of desires in my life. Or had I? Memories surfaced of white lies to make myself look better in people's eyes, or secretly siding with both people after an argument to secure my friendship with both. A longing for a lover (with a laundry list of qualifications) to behold me with fondness. And recently I was reminded of the exercise regimen that I used to perform, the one that I had used to try and make myself into something I wasn't in hope that I'd be the object of others' attention.

And then more icky stuff arose. Holding grudges to guilt people into apologizing to me first. Playing dumb to get information out of people so that I wouldn't look stupid. Saying yes to things I didn't want to do to keep someone in my favor. Dozens of such examples paraded through my mind, showing me how this desire had manifested in my behavior and distorted my point of view.

I felt myself say, "This is dark. These thoughts are wrong. I shouldn't feel this.” I wanted to push it away. But each time, I set aside those judgements and allowed myself to completely explore this desire for power. I gave it its voice, and let it speak.

Then, I asked this desire, “Why? Why do you want this power?". And I felt the answer, simple and clear: “So I can feel loved. So I can feel accepted and acceptable. So I can feel worthy.” Wow. Bombshell. I had tasted this unworthiness, but I didn't know where it was hiding. Finally, I could see it, and in that seeing, I felt a rush of LOVE pour into me through my chest. It was like my heart was a white-hot flame.

I thought I knew that I was loved by the Source, or that which I AM, but now I could feel how that had been more of an intellectual "unconditionality", paired with a bit of bliss. This was so much closer than that. It was all the worthiness and love and adoration that could ever be wanted, right here, in and as my Self. That which is beyond conditions ecstatically adores me (and you) and every part of my experience. That desire for power become irrelevant and exploded like a thousand supernovas, leaving me feeling lightened and awestruck.

A common character archetype came to mind, one that pops up often in books and movies: the Chosen One. The Chosen One is our collective desire to feel loved, needed, wanted and important. When I have read those stories in the past, I've always felt a bittersweet longing to be that hero. Little do we realize, we are all—all—the Chosen One. We chose ourselves.

Unconditional love… wow, I had that one misread. It's not merely complete acceptance. No, it’s head-over-heels, do-no-wrong, ​_total and complete adoration​,_ a thousand times more than the most doting lover you could imagine, and cheering for you more than all of the Luke Skywalker fans in the world, combined and quadrupled. And it's always right here for each of us, steadily shining beyond any conditions we've been placing on experience or the excuses that we've used to deny it.