Ham: 'I wants muh brekfust'

So I'm staying at one of those mid-range hotels, the kind with the free breakfast. They're almost done with breakfast hours, when up waddles ham planet. We'll call her Charlotte, like Charlotte's Web. Charlotte first fills her oversize tote with everything she can grab: mini cereal boxes, the entire supply of cream cheese tubs, bagels, milk cartons and even sausage patties wrapped in napkins. After exhausting the sausage patties, Charlotte sits down for her actual meal. But wait! No sausage. So Charlotte asks breakfast attendant for more sausage. Breakfast attendant says breakfast hours are over in one minute. 'Uh want muh breakfast!' it wails. 'You get muh sum sausage and gravy right now!' Charlotte carries on until she gets the general manager involved, who relents and lets this jiggling tub of goo have her slop. Charlotte is so addicted that she can't wait. While they're in the back making her sausage, Charlotte is furtively slipping cream cheese tubs out of her bag and sucking them down raw. Then she washes it down with whole milk and honey packets. SMH