UPDATE: Almost Completely NC for a year!

Hey, I mainly lurk and rarely post after a shitstorm I accidentally brewed here once (misunderstanding and some phrasing that didn't travel across the Atlantic well, don't ask), but as I'm hitting a year of solid NC, I thought I would let you know how it has gone for anyone thinking of doing the same.

I apologise if some of this post seems a bit vague, but the detail needed to explain fully would mean I am here all night, and rather than bore you with family history I would rather get to my views on NC.

Small brief background: Dad has history with cocaine and arrests, thinks wealth means he can whatever the fck he wants, a type I'm sure some of you guys are familiar with. Disappeared for my childhood (combo of drugs and prison), came back into my life a week after my 17th birthday, tried to act like nothing had happened. Skipping a lot of boring crap, my brother killed himself in 2012, something which I am certain my Dad is to blame for, or at the very least was a major contributing factor (I'd rather not bloat the post and go into this, just trust me I have my reasons) I tried to go LC to keep some semblance of a relationship for the sake of my sister (health issues including memory loss so cant remember how much of a shit he is) and after a trial run of NC, gave him one last chance after my Mum begged me (they are divorced, she thinks I will regret not talking to him, mum is rock solid, great parent thank fck) My Dad was vile to my fiancee on multiple occasions (I proposed 31st October 2015, the one time he didn't try to contact me was when he could have said congratulations, go figure). We were living together from the start of 2013 and she was around for most of his more recent BS and the NC. Final straw, the day I move house to live 200 miles away, the last time he will see me for quite some time, he blows me off for a woman, after blowing me off for the entire week prior knowing full well I was moving (99% sure a hooker just to add insult to injury)

But yeah, if you made it this far cool beans. Wall of text inc!

Not going to lie, the first few months were tough. He hadn't quite got the message when I said I was done, he tried to manipulate the story to make me look unreasonable while protesting his innocence, my sister essentially being thrust into the middle. He will always position himself to look the innocent party, even when he got caught drink and drug driving (miraculously not killing anyone, just smashed 4 cars up), he tried to blame my nephew, his grandson, saying he threatened him and he got in his car in fear. He will still stand by this now I imagine, or he will have rewritten history to say he was at knife point or some other garbage.

Most of my family don't agree with my choice to go NC, either on the premise of I'll regret it when he dies (mostly my mums side) or I am being unfair to him (his side).

I expected fallout from my relatives on his side of the family. Even with this in mind before I committed to NC, I was shocked how my relationship with one of my Uncles deteriorated. Prior to my NC, we had a really good close bond, to the point where my Dad would accuse me of loving my Uncle more than him. After NC, this relationship has crumbled. My dad is amazing at manipulating people, something I'm sure a lot of you have experience dealing with, and if it wasn't for the fact my fiancee noticed too, without me saying anything, I would think I was half mad. My dad is the eldest brother (head of the family in his words) and my uncle completely subscribes to this, he can literally do no wrong, there's always an excuse.

My Mum, despite despising and divorcing him, did initially disagree with my choice for my benefit, she is convinced I will regret my choice when he dies. I broke my last period of NC at her behest, giving him one last chance, and that was a total waste of time.

My Sister is still in regular contact with him, and through a combination of her memory loss and pity, she remains the dutiful daughter, something he abused to point score. She has been used as a conduit to pass messages on after I blocked him on my mobile, to the point I had to have a massive argument with her and tell her to not even mention him when I am around. I know this may make me sound like an arse, but he paints himself as the innocent party, and the phony olive branches was starting to suffocate me to the point my NC was pointless.

Fast forward a few months however, and things really started to look up. Despite not agreeing with it, my Mum doesn't mention it anymore and my Sister has stopped passing his bullshit messages on (I've overheard her on the phone to him saying she has told me whatever message he has sent so he hasn't given up). Again, I may sound harsh, but this man has had his second, third, fourth and fifth chance with me, and has consistently put himself before any relationship we may have, both before and after my brothers suicide, his incarceration and his cocaine addiction.

On a personal level, I feel so much better just disconnecting him from my life. My fiancee (who is fucking amazing, and without I might have followed my brother into a noose) said she noticed a real difference in me, and I could even feel it myself. Constant arguments are not healthy, and there is no relationship with him, just a war that exists whether you realise it or not, and any compromise on your part is seen as a weakness to be exploited. Forgot to mention, he has zero respect for women and while some women in his life make excuses for him (age, generation and all the other bullshit excuses for someone behaving unacceptably), I will not.

Slight hiccup on the road, about 6 months in, I was ambushed into a meal with him by my Uncles wife (with good intentions, but nonetheless, a fucking nightmare). Despite the deterioration of my relationship with my uncle, I hadn't given up on the hope that NC with my dad didn't mean NC with that side of the family, so when my aunt called to have dinner, I accepted. One thing I have def learned, everyone in my family, both sides, has an opinion and the majority will do what they think is best despite my wishes, I don't know if this is just my family or people in general, but that's up to you guys to work out. I tried my best to remain polite, made small talk etc etc. All he did was 'reinforce' his position, protest his innocence, try to make me look a moron, and garner yet more sympathy. My aunt did see what he was doing at least, and has been a lot less judgmental since.

Following this, it took me a good few weeks to cool off. I have a bad temper as it is, and after this I was a hair trigger.

Fast forward a whole lot of NC, we get to now. While mostly uneventful, a couple of months ago, my fiancee ran into my aunt and cousin in London, and they both set on her about convincing me to talk to my dad. They didn't know how vile he was to her (I have tried to maintain some dignity in this and not sling shit around the family like he does) and instead of her trying to convince me, we just had a good laugh about it. My brothers family (widow and kids) are also recently LC/NC with him, slowly but surely more people are realising how full of shit he is.

The past year was tough for me anyway. My Nan, who was more like a mum to me, passed away (yesterday was the year anniversary of her dying, he no showed to her funeral). I started University, and I have had health problems that included surgery and physiotherapy, yet all this, apart from my Nan, pales into insignificance compared the the stress my relationship with my father caused me.

I tend to overthink and dwell on events, and mulling over arguments with him was killing me mentally before even getting to actually dealing with him. Going NC has given me some clarity back to my brain, I feel more relaxed, and I am actually looking forward rather than backwards (mostly). I stopped dreaming about the whole scenario after a few months (I dream a LOT about IRL events) and now I can actually think and talk about my dad without inducing a headache and my body preparing for a fight.

I appreciate some of this post was quite vague, but as you can see, even in that state it is a wall of text. If you have questions, feel free to ask me.

TLDR: Year NC, made family interactions a lot more awkward, lost some family relationships I thought solid, but personally, I feel significantly better for it, 10/10 would do again.