"Is it possible that the church is not what it claims?"

I sat there one evening. I was alone, I had several different windows open on my computer, a couple of printed books open on my desk, a printed copy of the CES letter. I was fact checking claims, following footnotes, finding out that what I had always been told were 'anti-mormon lies' were indeed the truth.

I remember so distinctly just pausing for a moment, hands trembling, and then saying out-loud to nobody... "Is it possible that the church is not what it claims?"

In this instant the heavens opened, my mind was given clarity, and I watched as issue after issue fell into place like giant pieces of a jig-saw puzzle. Book of Abraham, First Vision, Polygamy, Kirtland Bank, Printing press, Brigham Young, B.H. Roberts, everything. All of a sudden I knew it all, I knew with every fiber of my being that the church was a fraud.

I started to cry... I thought I might be physically sick, tears streamed down my face, I sat in my chair stunned, shocked, unable to move, chest heaving as I bawled like a 7 year old who just lost his mommy.

Its now been 5 years. I'm over the shock of being duped for over 60 years. But I am not over the realization that they have consciously and consistently lied to me, they have knowingly deceived me with premeditated malice they conspired to defraud me. I hate them for that, and can never forgive them stealing my life.

Post Note: (I posted this in another thread but thought I would like to share it in its own thread.)