I hate myself

I hate myself. Family problems are getting me down, im a fuck up, whenever im being myself (which is being loud and fun) im always told to shut up or be quiet or stop being so annoying. Im a fat loser that eats all the time (ive tried making myself go on a diet or just stop eating but it never works I just keep eating) I hate going to school because I have no motivation anymore I always see the other skinny good-looking girls and then there's me, the fat ugly loser that everyone hates and is only friends with cause of pity, shes worthless stupid non-athletic abd just a fucking mistake! My grades are dropping im convinced im just stupid cause its really hard for me to pay attention. I hate my shortness and my blandness, there is nothing unique about me I have dark-brown hair, dark-brown eyes, short height, small eyes, and I dont have any talents. Im useless. I imagine everyday me killing myself and what would happen. I imagine that noone even realizes im dead and just continues on without me, cause I dont matter all I do is cause more of a burden on everyone. I just wish I had the courage to kill myself. I keep telling myself to do it soon cause im a waste of resources and space, but I can never do it. GOD, WHY AM I SO USELESS? CANT SOME TYPE OF GOD OUT THERE JUST LET ME SLEEP AND NEVER WAKE UP?