I'm probably overusing r/opiatesrecovery

So I'm 27 years old, my ex is 26. We have been together for like 11 going on 12 years. We are madly in love, but when I relapse I completely neglect her and my kids. We are not together at the moment but obviously there are still feelings. I keep saying i have to fix myself before I can fix anything else. Tonight we got together though, we agreed it was just sex. We both caught feelings, I don't want to hurt her or my kids again. I want to be available for them, I want to raise my kids. I constantly over analyze this shit. I plan on leaving it up to god. Its hard though, I have dreamed of a life with her since we were 18. Her parents like will disown her over her being with me and she's talking about just leaving and us being together. I told her im an addict in any city and anywhere i go I take myself with me. She understands her dad is an alcoholic. Today is tough, on one hand im really happy because its not just sex. There is this connection, that I can't get with anyone else. I never had to hide my feelings with her, but when I was in active addiction I was a ghost. She is my best friend, and when I am with her i just can't stop smiling. I know this isn't r/relationships and you guys aren't marriage counselors or anything. I just have to get it off my chest. My recovery is the most important thing in my life right now. Without my recovery I am useless to myself, my kids, and everyone else in my life. I just want that instant gratification. I need to just keep doing what im doing, everything will fall into place. I just gotta keep living one day at a time.